The Thing About Being Everything
by PianoAddict246
Summary: Bella thought she was happy: nice friends, nice boyfriend, good grades. But when Edward Cullen moves back to Forks, she questions her "happiness". Is she doing this for herself, or everyone else? EXB, All Human, Lemons later. Story better than summary.
1. Nothing

_Sixth Grade_

"So I guess Mom wants to move out," he said quietly. Angrily.

I bit my lip and didn't respond. My emotions would spill over with any words I said and I couldn't let the emotions get in the way. So I said nothing.

We stood silently, solemnly, until the silence was so thick I couldn't breathe. "Look, I can write, you know? I can call and stuff, and you can give me your address and I can come visit and…" I trailed off because the way he looked out the window and not at me, told me I could not do those things. "Okay," I said softly, "okay. It'll be okay. It'll all be just fine." Maybe if I had said it more often before this wouldn't be happening.

Another silence.

"Bella, I…"

I looked up and searched his face for something, though I wasn't sure what for. I just knew something was missing.

He sighed. "Thanks, you know? You're all right for a girl." He smiled half-heartedly and I laughed.

"Ya think so?" I tried to joke, but the pain was a sharp edge in my throat when I spoke.

"Bella, stop crying, please?"

I rubbed my eyes angrily. "I'm not crying."

"Yes, you are. Only wimps cry and you're not a wimp." He tried to comfort me but it only made it worse and I could feel the sobs threatening to come up like bile. When I looked at him, our eyes met and locked. In them I saw a weariness, but also a sort of aged maturity that made me think he was forced to grow up before he should have.

"Here," he said, reaching into his pocket. He pulled out a small object and reached for my hand. "My dad made two for me. He was always doing something with paint or clay, stuff like that, and he said it took him two months to get them just right. You better not lose it."

In my hand was a small clay lizard, painted the same green of his eyes with gold spots down its tail. The texture was detailed, scaly like a lizard's. It was clear his father had really worked on this.

"I have one. So we both are still connected somehow, you know?" He smiled at the little lizard in my hand. I smiled too.

I sighed shakily. "So can I name it Eddie?"

He narrowed his eyes. "Ha. Ha. Ha."

It didn't need to be said that we were grateful for the lighter atmosphere, because for the next few days we would suffocate in the heavy tension of goodbye.

*

**Is this intriguing enough for my first story? I promise it's more interesting than it sounds right now. I have other chapters written but I need encouragement. I don't expect too many reviews :)**


	2. Breathe In

"_I was wondering if you maybe would want to go the End-Of-Year dance with me?"_

_I looked up into Mike Newton's face, struck by his baby blue eyes and Invisalign-perfect smile. And wondered if this was a joke. Discreetly, I peered around me for the sign of muffled laughter or whispers or the glance and smile of his friends. I didn't see any of it._

"_Why?" I blurted, and mentally hit myself on the forehead. That was not what I meant to say. I looked up to gauge his reaction and see if I could correct that moment of stupidity, but he seemed unbothered by the question. _

_He smiled, a light flush barely on his handsome face. "Well, I…I think I'm talking to the most beautiful girl in the school, so it wouldn't be easy to explain that I just felt like I should ask you."_

_The all-too-familiar blush crept up into my cheeks and I looked at my hands for a distraction. I still didn't understand how the most popular boy in Forks would even realize I, plain old Bella Swan, exist._

"_So?'_

_Right, answer, stupid._

"_Um, yeah. Yeah, thanks," I stuttered, grinning like a fool. Thanks? What? But he laughed at my answer and my heart beat a little faster at the sound._

"_The pleasure is mine, Bella. I guess I'll see you in English." He smiled—a genuine smile, I picked up—and turned to walk so magnificently back to his table._

_I still wasn't sure if this was a joke._

*

"Human genetic diseases and normal variations can be placed into one of five categories. Would anyone care to tell me what those five categories are?"

I couldn't understand how one could be so monotone and boring, but Mr. Banner has accomplished the impossible. Though the material is easy, the teacher can be such a-

"Ms. Swan?" My head jerked at my name. Oh, crap.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Banner, can you repeat the question?" The exasperation on his face was evident and I'm sure the flush on my face was as well.

"Mr. Newton, would you care to enlighten Ms. Swan as to what the five categories of human genetic diseases and normal variations are?"

I turned my head to look at Mike on the other side of the classroom. He gave me an apologetic glance and rattled off the answer. "Single gene disorders, multifactorial traits, chromosomal abnormalities, mitochondrial inheritance, and diseases of unknown etiology."

"Thank you, Mr. Newton. Now, about 1% of the approximately 4 million annual live births in the United States will have a single gene disorder that will…"

Mike turned slightly in his chair and gave me a shrug and a smile. I shook my head and shrugged back. With a quick glance to make sure Mr. Banner wasn't watching, he mouthed _Do you want a ride to work today?_

I shook my head and mouthed that I drove my truck today and I'd see him at work. He smiled and turned back around to diligently take notes, like a good student should.

Mike and I worked at his parents' sports equipment store. I applied there last year after I mentioned I wanted to make a little extra money and Mike put in a good word. It might have been cheating a little to some people, but in the business world that was called having good connections.

Eventually, Bio ended with the day's final bell and I threw my book into my messenger bag.

*

"What's wrong, Bells?"

I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. "Nothing. Just thinking about a dream I had."

The concern on Mike's face was genuine and I wondered what I had looked like, deep in thought. "Wanna talk about it?" he asked, and I leaned against his shoulder and sighed.

"No, I'm okay. Thanks."

This was our relationship. It seemed it was all give and no take. He was never selfish and neither was I, and we were happy. _Maybe_, I once thought, _we are supposed to be together_.

I stared at the lunch on my tray until I could force myself to pick apart bread of the sandwich.

"So, is anyone else excited for Senior Prom?" I recognized Jessica's voice and looked up.

"Jes, that isn't until May, and we just started the year," Tyler answered. More voices piped up to agree with him.

"What about you, Bella?"

I looked up from the shredded pieces of bread on my tray. Jessica's smile was so fake I was surprised it wasn't a piece of duct tape with marker lips. "Aren't you excited for prom?" she asked sweetly.

"Um," I started, feeling like a complete idiot as I always did around these people, "yeah, I am."

"Who do you think you might go with?" Lauren Mallory's cold voice matched her piercing ice-blue eyes. I felt so exposed by her stare, I gripped Mike's hand under the table and he squeezed back, unaware as to the reason for the sudden need for support.

"I guess you'll see at the end of the year."

She gave me another sneer and turned back to the rest of the table. This is what I got from most of Mike's friends. I knew they'd have a problem with me dating Mike from the moment he asked me to be his girlfriend. Actually, it's an unspoken rule in high school, at least at Forks High School, that popular does not date not popular. Over the last two years, they've accepted that Mike liked me too much and I've accepted that he wasn't joking when he asked me to the dance our sophomore year. I still get negativity about it though, especially from Lauren and Jessica.

Relief flooded through me, as it does every day, when the bell ended lunch and we had to move to our respective classes. Mike slipped his hand in mine and handed me my bag (I'd felt silly the first time he carried my things to class and I'd asked him to let me carry my own things), and grabbed his, and we made our way out of the cafeteria. The day outside was dreary and bleak, but this was usual for Forks, the City of No Sunshine, so when the light sprinkle turned into a heavy drizzle, the grumbles and groans were minimal. I was walked to Spanish, pecked on the cheek, and waved goodbye. I sank into my desk chair. Three more classes.

Spanish and Composition went by quick enough. My next class was Biology, my last class of the day, and I shared it with Mike, which I didn't mind, and Jessica, which I did. She took every chance she had to glare at me like the scum of the earth I was to her, but made sure she pasted a sickly sweet smile on her lips as she did so. Mike, clueless and adorable, never really saw the negative side of anything or anyone and didn't notice. I'd tried to talk to him once about his friends' possible thoughts about me; he'd brushed it off, saying I was probably over-thinking things and if it _was_ true, which it wasn't, it wouldn't matter anyway because he loved me and his friends could go to H-E-double-hockey-sticks if they had a problem. I'd chosen to try his way of optimism but I was still uneasy sometimes.

Mike followed me into the classroom and hung my raincoat up next to his by the door. "We'll talk after class, Bells." He pecked me on the cheek and smiled, and I couldn't help but smile back at his adorable enthusiasm, even in a phrase so trivial. I began to sit in my seat next to him when I was stopped.

"Ah, ah, Ms. Swan," Mr. Banner said from behind his computer, "I've arranged your seating chart."

Those of us in the class groaned. I peered at the chart on the white board and found I was to sit at the last table on the far left corner of the room. With a sigh, I set down my stuff and watched everyone else file into the class and find their new seats. I silently hoped Mr. Banner was clueless enough about Mike and me, or would think I was slow enough to need to sit by a smarter one in the class and place Mike at least near me. Those hopes, however, were trodden on when I watched Mike take his seat by none other than Jessica Stanley. He looked sadly back at me from the opposite corner of the room. I waved half-heartedly with a broken smile when I realized everyone was seated and no one sat by me. Great. Isolation.

Gritting my teeth, I pulled out my notebook and uncapped my pen. This was how I spent my Biology classes. For the entire hour, I drew. Pen or pencil, usually in this notebook, meant for notes on heredity or mitosis or disease transmission. Before Renee moved out, she'd followed her urge to become an artist and dragged me with her to art class downtown. She was always like this, getting sudden ideas and truly believing this was her calling before quitting two weeks later. But the art class relaxed me, and the teacher told me I had a knack for carbon drawing. I felt like it was the only talent I had and I was determined to improve it, so I never stopped. Sitting here in Bio, I suddenly missed Renee and her hare-brained urges.

Halfway through class, I've finished the worksheet Mr. Banner passed out and I'm back to drawing. I hear the classroom door open but don't care to look up. Until I hear the quiet words.

"I'm Edward Cullen, sir."

Oh. My. God.

This is not happening.

*

The day he left, we were eleven.

After Renee, my mother, left my dad, Charlie, he was destroyed. No one was sure if he'd resurface. Until he met Esme Cullen in Seattle on a business trip. Long story short, they hit it off and after a series of outings, he invited her to move in. I was eight going on nine, and I still missed my mother, but even I couldn't deny Esme was great. Within two weeks, she had brought everything to our house, including her son.

I hadn't met him until Esme moved in, since most of the dating took place in Seattle where there were places you could take someone out on a date to, but Charlie had told me about him. "He's about your age, cute kid, really, polite. Doesn't talk your ear off," he added with a laugh.

I looked out my bedroom window and saw him sitting in his mother's car with his arms crossed stubbornly and a pout prominent on his face. It was obvious he didn't want to be here, and in all honesty, I wasn't sure I wanted him here either. I'd been an only child all my life and it was great; I didn't want to ruin it with a sibling.

But more than the frown, I noticed his hair. It was uncombed and a dark reddish color, almost bronze. It was so strange-looking I almost wondered if he was ever teased about it. I didn't see his eyes until I reached the bottom of the stairs and he stepped from behind his mother shyly. The green of those eyes were almost frightening, as if they could read every thought going through my head. But they intrigued me and I was determined to make him an ally, not an enemy.

The relationship lasted about three years, halfway through Edward and my sixth grade year. The arguments between Charlie and Esme had increased to the point where Esme kicked herself out. She couldn't "stand the stubbornness" anymore and he was stifling her creative self. The breakup was devastating for Edward and me. We had become each other's best friend; we knew where the other was coming from.

They left for someplace, I don't know. I cried for days and the anger didn't really subside for months.

Was it really the boy of my childhood almost eight years ago? My question was answered when with a deep breath I looked up. The hair confirmed it, but I noticed his eyes as well. Though he didn't look at me, he faced my general direction, and the color was the same piercing jade green. When I could tear myself from his eyes, I noticed the rest of him. His complexion was perfect, really; he'd always been oddly pale. Never tanned or burned. His face was unmarred and almost translucent. It looked like the teenage awkwardness had missed him. He had grown to at least six feet and though he was still a little lanky, it looked like he had gained some muscle, apparent from the way his long sleeved shirt hugged his form. Actually, if he hadn't been my sort-of brother for three years, he might be hot. Though there was no denying he was beautiful.

_Focus, Bella._

As I regained control of my runaway thoughts, I almost choked; he was coming my way. Walking so casually, he could have been a male model on a runway, and walking towards me. Did he recognize me? Did I look somewhat the same to him as he did to me? Did he ever think about me, unlike the way I had shoved the memory of him in a box in the back of my mind? Would he react to my name as I had to his? I held a breath as he brushed past me and pulled out the chair next to mine. And sat without a glance my way. _Of course, Bella. The chair next to you was the only empty one. He probably forgot about you a long time ago. After all, you did._

With that taken care of, Mr. Banner continued his lecture. I sighed and sneaked a glance to my left. His face was turned towards the window, but his hand was poised lazily with a pencil between his first and second fingers. With an inward huff I turned to my notes, or what were supposed to be notes. Give up, he doesn't know you and doesn't care. Still, it was hard to let go of hope.

I looked at the clock above the door. Twenty-five minutes left? That had to be a lie. How was I supposed to focus on genetics and plants and chromosomes when he was sitting beside me, quite possibly unaware that he had actually lived with me once? _Gah, notes. Notes._

By the end of the period, my hand ached a little and I was positive I'd been furiously writing every word my teacher had said. What I found in place of the 'biology notes' was a detailed sketch of the figure beside me, looking out the window.

**This is already long enough without an author's note but...thanks to those of you who alerted and faved this story already. I thought I'd just give you the stuff I have, hence the 2500 word 'chapter.' If people need clarification about the characters, let me know and I will write that up. I'm not holding back any chapters for reviews; I know there are a few of you out there who will like this story at least a little and want to continue reading. Also, for future reference, please tell me if there are inconsistencies throughout the story. I get a million ideas sometimes and just write them and sometimes they don't fit with another part of the story. That is important and you as a reader should alert me to that.  
**

**Oh, and the Mike thing. I've decided to make Mike a nice character in this story. I've read a lot where Mike is evil and gross and I'm starting to feel for poor generic Mike :P I am an Edward Supporter all the way but I'm giving Mike a chance to be cute. This is an Edward/Bella story though. **

**The chapter is titled Breathe In. Song by Frou Frou (Imogen Heap). I'm not sure if it fits the story at all but it's a good song :)  
**


	3. At Last

**Thanks for the alerts, guys, I feel special. I know there's no action in these first couple of chapters, but I promise it'll get better. The next chapter should be interesting. Once again, reviews are nice. Extremely important note: Let me know of any inconsistencies you find so I can fix them. Everyone makes mistakes and so do I, but these are ones I can take care of. ;)  
**

**XO PianoAddict246**

"You seem really out of it these days, Bells. You all right?" Mike's voice pulled me from my thoughts.

"I'm sorry, Mike, I just…I have a lot on my mind, I guess." I gave him a half-assed smile.

"Wanna talk about it?"

He was so sweet. He was always looking out for me like this and I appreciated his effort. But I wasn't so sure I wanted him to know my thoughts every time something didn't go according to my expectations. "No, it's okay. Thanks, though."

He shrugged and walked beside me towards our first class. The air felt thick and humid, signaling the approach of a storm. Which wasn't unusual for Forks anyway. I was pretty positive that there were four days of the year when the sun would decide shine in this town.

Six class periods later, as I sat in Composition, I counted down the minutes to the end of class. I was dreading Biology. Every day this week, I'd arrived to Bio early; Edward was earlier. I had hoped that the initial shock of his arrival back to Forks had worn off, but each time I stepped into my last class of the day the image of my old friend made my heart skip. I just couldn't believe he was back. Everything back then had…ended so horribly and unexpectedly. Why would he and Esme come back?

Every day this week, I had hoped he might remember me, maybe speak to me if he didn't, at the very least. Each class period he remained silent. Even Mr. Banner seemed to pick up that he wasn't much of a talker and never asked him any questions. I had only heard him speak those four words when he first walked in and, though I wasn't sure why, I longed to hear him speak again.

The bell rang and everyone jumped, books in arms and bags on shoulders, and rushed to leave. Everyone except me. Briefly, I wondered how long I could keep trying to avoid Biology. Not long, I decided, and made my way to my last class.

I gave Mike a smile on the way to my seat but it quickly faded when I caught sight of Edward in the back of the room. I sighed, and suddenly I felt almost angry. Why wouldn't he even say hi? I figured he might try and be courteous. Or something. Well. Maybe if I ignore him and make it somewhat obvious that I'm not happy he'll feel what I'm feeling. At least I'd feel better.

Ignoring him proved to be harder than I had thought; I was so aware of his presence. Still, I followed through with my plan and deliberately shifted my chair away from him enough so it was obvious I didn't want to be there; moved my hair so it would hide the left side of my face; didn't even look at him. I was proud of myself. But class went by so slowly.

I woke up, head in hand on the desk, with minutes left of class. I began to gather my stuff when I heard him speak.

"Is that the boyfriend?"

I turned to face him, all my plans for pissing him off forgotten. "What?"

He sighed in exasperation, probably wondering if I was mentally disabled. "The blond one up front, your boyfriend?" he said slowly.

I bit my lip before answering. "Yeah, Mike's my boyfriend."

He didn't respond, just looked straight ahead to the front of the room. After a minute of silence, I sighed, deciding I should introduce myself.

"By the way, I'm—"

The expression on his face then stopped me; it was angry, pained, and not the way I pictured our official meeting would start off. "I know who you are."

With that, the bell signaled the end of the day and he was gone before I could blink.

My first thought gave me a little hope: he'd remembered me. The thoughts afterward killed that little hope: he was also apparently very angry that he did.

The drive home felt long, and I let my thoughts drift to earlier in Biology. What was his problem? I hadn't done a thing to him. Actually, he hadn't spoken to me all week and I hadn't tried to communicate with him. He recognized me, sure, but why would the first words he spoke to me in five years be "Is that the boyfriend." My hands tightened on the steering wheel until the knuckles were white. What the hell went wrong with him? I didn't deserve this kind of treatment from anyone, especially someone who doesn't talk to me.

I pulled into my driveway, thankful Charlie wasn't home, and slammed the car door shut. God, what was with that question? He had always acted strange when he was embarrassed about something, but I was positive that was not embarrassment that darkened his green eyes today. Those usually bright green eyes. I felt my frustration begin to subside as I thought of his perfect eyes set in that handsome face. _Focus, Bella._

Right, I was upset. The frustration came back and by the time I reached my room I felt like screaming. After a little growl into my pillow I sat cross-legged on my bedspread, fuming. Still, I couldn't help but feel the smallest inkling of desperation to get him to talk to me. In a calmer manner, of course.

"Bella? You home?"

Oh, crap, I haven't made dinner. "Yeah, Ch-Dad!" I called down. I would have to think about this later. For now, Charlie couldn't know about Edward because that meant Esme was back too and I wasn't sure he could handle that right now. With a sigh, I stood up and went downstairs.

"Hey, Bella." Charlie was hanging his gun belt up. He looked at me with concern. "Something wrong?"

I shook my head. "No, just tired. I'll go and start dinner."

"Well, Bells, if you're tired, I can fend for myself, you know." He gave me his crinkly-eyed smile, which made me laugh a little.

"I'm not sure what you'd do if I wasn't here to cook for you, dear Dad," I said as I walked into the kitchen, "you still seem to think the four main food groups are fish, fish, steak, and more fish."

He laughed his booming laugh. "Well, if you don't mind, I'll start the game. Bulls against Knicks tonight."

"Go, go, I don't understand this sports-talk."

As I cooked the fish (against my previous joking of it earlier), my thoughts drifted back to Edward. I would have to speak to him tomorrow and get to the bottom of his little tirade today.

Charlie didn't even look up when I handed him his dinner. "You wanna sit and watch the game, Bells?"

"Nah, I think I'm just gonna go finish my book and go to sleep. I'm pretty tired. Good night, Dad."

"Night, Bells."

As I lay in bed that night, I tried to come up with things I would say to Edward when I saw him the next day, but every time I thought his name his face would appear behind my eyes and distract me. At one point I was distracted until I fell asleep, dreaming of jade green eyes.

Friday morning and I was ready. I would just stride over to our table, sit in my seat, face him, and ask him what his problem was. I could do this.

"So do you think you might want to?"

I blinked and stared at Mike. "Want to what?"

He smiled, and the action made his eyes squint a little, a gesture I'd once found adorable. _Once, Bella?_ _It still is adorable._ I wondered if it was my imagination, but wasn't that the smile that made my heart race?

"Come over after school," he said patiently, "We're having family over and I'm sure they'd love to meet you."

"Oh," I responded dumbly. "Um, I don't think so, Mike. See, my dad and I were planning on…going to La Push to visit some family friends," I lied. Since when did I lie to Mike? He didn't deserve it. _It's just today. Just a little white lie. _

The door to Biology Honors was just ahead. I took a deep breath and mentally prepared myself; I already practiced what I would say in Composition.

I almost audibly sighed when my eyes traveled to the back of the classroom; it seemed every time I saw him it was unreal. After a brief hesitation I strode to my seat and sat. Okay, you can do this. But when I turned in his direction, my words fell short and my heart stopped. Why was I reacting in this way? The Bella that enjoyed tormenting me sighed dramatically. _He's gorgeous, stupid_. The white long-sleeved shirt hugging his seemingly relaxed form gave his usually pale complexion a healthy glow and contrasted with his untidy bronze hair amazingly. The sleeves were pushed up to his elbows to reveal strong-looking forearms. _But he's like my brother_, I thought. After another glance, however, I gave in. _He's undeniably gorgeous_.

"See something you like?"

Oh God, he'd caught me staring. _Duh, you _were_ being kind of obvious_. I felt a familiar blush creep into my face and I turned back to face the front. I heard his chuckle and was suddenly pissed. "Why did you talk to me like that yesterday?" I hissed, making sure not to look directly at him, knowing my resolve would shatter if I saw his eyes.

When he didn't answer right away, I couldn't help myself and turned. He looked…uncomfortable; that was the only way to describe it. "I…I wasn't in the best of moods. I'm sorry you had to see it." He didn't look away from my eyes as he said this. The open stare felt like he was trying to find something that wasn't quite there.

"So," I whispered after a pause, pretending to listen to Mr. Banner, "you know me."

He sighed beside me. "Of course I remember you, Bella."

"Then why didn't you talk to me at all the entire time you've been here?" I asked, still a little frustrated.

"Ms. Swan, do you have something to share with the class?"

I looked up quickly and found the class staring back at me. "No, sir," I said quietly, "sorry about that."

"Then I suggest you leave Mr. Cullen alone and focus up here, please."

When he turned back around, I heard Edward snicker. I glared at him for a moment before turning a new page in my notebook.

_So, answer my question._

I slid the notebook to him. He looked at it for a moment began to write. He passed it back and briefly felt a little flare of jealousy at his surprisingly improved calligraphy.

At first, I wasn't sure if you'd remember me. Then I figured you did and didn't want to talk to me. It seemed you'd moved on and I wouldn't interfere.

I scoffed. So what was the boyfriend question for?

He smiled as he answered. _Just curious._

_Sure, sure. Out of __my__ curiosity, where did you go?_ He'd understand my question.

California.

I looked at him again and smiled. _You don't look very tan_.

_I'm a vampire_.

_Oh right, I'd forgotten. How's the undead treating you?_ He smiled at my comment.

_Can you get away after school?_

My breath hitched. I glanced at Edward, then quickly at Mike, so innocent and good. Well, I'd already told Mike I was busy. He wouldn't miss me if he thought I was with my dad, but could I betray his trust?

_Yeah_. Apparently I could.

_Shouldn't you ask your boyfriend over there first? _

I sneered at him and he smirked. _Mike doesn't run my life. Besides, I told him I was busy._

_Are you?_

_Now I am._

He smiled smugly as he scribbled something quickly. _Meet me by the library_.


	4. Gentlemen

"Bye, Mike." I tried to swallow the lump of guilt in my throat but I couldn't manage.

He hugged me and gave me another Invisalign-smile before leaving me in the Biology room. Edward had been the first one out, as he had all week, but I would see him in a few minutes if he meant what he said. In truth, I couldn't have gathered my books and shoved them in my bag faster; in the week he'd been here, Edward had captured my full attention and I wanted nothing more than to pay it to him. But I didn't want to seem too eager, so I walked as slowly as I could without looking like an idiot towards the library. Why would I be eager though? I only wanted to catch up with him, see how he's been. _Then why do you feel guilty about Mike?_ Because I lied to him. _You lied to him before you agreed to meet Edward_. Shut up.

"Bella."

I turned towards his voice and sighed (in relief?). "Edward." Lost in my thoughts, I'd almost passed the library door. "Why did you want to meet here of all places?"

He smiled, a lopsided smile that **insert cliché here:** took my breath away/made me swoon/made my heart race. I almost groaned at my pathetic-ness. "So," he said, taking a few lazy steps toward me, "where do you want to go?"

"For what?" I asked stupidly. I was still swaying from that smile.

He laughed, a smooth rich laugh that…oh, the clichés. "Well, my initial idea was to talk, but if you had other things in mind…"

I did.

"No, no, sorry, I just…" I stumbled. My face grew hot with every word I stuttered. I took a deep breath. "Talking sounds great. We could talk at my place." My place.

"You place?"

Oh God. Stupid, stupid, stupid. "If you want, I mean, the library here is not much of a library unfortunately, meaning the privacy is out of the question." Privacy?

"Privacy?" God, Bella, you're on a roll today. He grinned widely in amusement at my flustering and threw his bag over his shoulder. "Same house?"

I nodded. "You can follow me, if you need to. I've got the monster red truck over there. You'll hear it."

He laughed. "Okay, I'll see you there then." I kept glancing over my shoulder as he walked to a shiny silver Volvo and got in. After bringing my own offensive beast to life, I pulled out of the school lot onto the main road, followed by the Volvo.

In no time, we'd arrived in front of my house. Edward was shutting his car door as I opened the front door. "Welcome to my humble abode," I said dramatically with a flourishing sweep of my arm.

He gave a low whistle. "Nice."

I laughed harshly. "Thanks."

"Hasn't changed much," he said quietly, more to himself, I imagined. I watched him take in every detail, from the yellow walls to the flower pattern on the stair rail to the framed yearbook pictures of Bella on the wall into the kitchen. At these he smiled, much to my embarrassment.

"Shut up," I said, pushing him into the kitchen. "Go ahead and sit. Do you want anything, are you hungry or anything?"

He shook his head as he pulled out a chair. "Um, water would be nice, thanks."

"So," I started, "California, huh?" I handed him the glass and sat across from him.

He took a gulp of water, as I've noticed a lot of men tend to do often, and it should have disgusted me, but somehow it didn't. "Yep, Santa Cruz. Nice place, but in all honesty, it was too sunny."

I smiled. "Too sunny? I'd have loved the be there."

"I'd have loved for you to be there, too." He winked and my heart jumped. I liked the way he said that too much. Stupid Bella. Stop having these reactions. That is dangerous territory.

"So," he continued, "How've you been?" He looked up from his glass from under long eyelashes and for a moment I had forgotten the question.

"Um, good, I guess. School's, well…school. Charlie is holding up. I've decided to be a psychology major and—"

"Why psychology?"

The question shocked me, mostly because I had never wondered myself. "I guess I never really thought about that. I did really well in the psychology class I took last year and everyone just says I have the mind and ability for it."

"Who's everyone?" Did he enjoy interrupting?

I sighed. "My guidance counselor, Angela-well, she approved when I told her my decision-and Mike, and Charlie said he was fine with it."

"Hmm." He looked away thoughtfully. "Continue."

I cleared my throat. "Right. And I've got pretty decent grades, and nice friends, and Mike. Mike's a great guy."

Edward leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest. "Mike…Newton. If I recall, he is the boy who sits at the front of the class in Bio and also the boy a bunch of us made fun of in fifth grade for wetting himself when he fell asleep in science class."

"Shut up, Edward," I huffed, concealing the tinge of surprise at how easily his name rolled off my tongue. "It was fifth grade and he doesn't do that anymore, so it couldn't matter less."

"How did you meet?" he asked still smirking.

Just then the front door opened. Both our heads turned towards the hall where the sound of heavy boots made its way to us.

"Charlie," I whispered. "He won't like that you're here. He's still worked up with Mike."

"Bella?" Charlie called from the hall.

"Kitchen, Dad."

Charlie was initially unaware anyone else was in the kitchen; he headed straight for the refrigerator.

"Dad," I started quietly so as not to startle him, "This is Edward."

"Huh?" He closed the fridge and turned around, the wary boy-with-my-daughter look already set. The expression quickly changed to polite, but I noticed he hadn't put up his gun belt. "Oh, well, always nice to meet a new friend of Bella's." He extended his hand.

Something similar to…resentment?… passed through Edward's green eyes but when I looked again it was gone, replaced with a stiff courtesy. He stood and took my father's hand.

"Sir." He turned to me, a very false smile threatening to slip off his face. "I should probably go, Bella. I'll see you at school." He gathered his stuff, and I didn't argue. It could get very awkward with Charlie. We walked to the door and I followed him to his car. He pushed his things into the front seat and turned to face me.

"Bella, I…" His eyes seemed to fill with some kind of sorrow and I had to fight a small urge to reach out and hold him. Instead, he lifted his hand and brushed a stray hair from my cheek. My cheek burned where he'd touched it and my neck was on fire where his hand lingered. I knew it was quite possible that Charlie was spying out the window but at the moment I couldn't care less; thought I felt I should be comforting him, his touch sent thin ribbons of fiery silk through my body and it brought a comfort I hadn't known I lacked. As if a void in my chest I was unaware of had been filled.

"What," I whispered, falling into the sea of green looking back at me.

"I missed you."

The words I didn't know I needed to hear. "I missed you, too."

"Bella!"

I sighed. Leave it to Charlie to ruin important moments in a teenage girl's life. "I'll see you at school, Edward." When I looked back into his eyes I almost flinched. They looked past me, darkened with anger.

"I'll see you at school," he muttered before getting in the car and driving off. I sighed and turned to face Charlie.

"Bella," he called from the doorway, "you never told me about this new friend of yours."

I pushed past him into the house, suddenly pissed off. How did he forget such an important period of his life so quickly? "He's not a new friend, Dad. It's Edward."

"Edward?" I heard him follow me into the kitchen.

"Yes, Dad, Edward. Remember that boy that sort of lived with us for three years?" My words were acid and Charlie cringed slightly before realization dawned on his face.

"Esme." Pain appeared in his eyes and I wondered if I should have brought this up.

"Yes, Dad," I said more quietly, "Esme."


	5. The Saturday After Summer

**Warning you now, this isn't very long, but I feel bad not posting faster. I'm working on the next chapter right now. Posts will be better as I get to the _more interesting _parts of the story. For now, here you go. **

"Good morning, Bella."

I smiled at Mrs. Newton, dropping my bag inside the Employee Workroom. "Good morning, Mrs. Newton, how are you today?"

"Well, thank you."

I looked at the schedule on the workroom door, running my finger down the days of the week. "What shift am I running today?"

"I'm pretty sure you're on the floor today."

I groaned. "Great."

Mrs. Newton laughed. "Oh, it's not so bad. Besides, you're an expert and experts sell, which means more pay…"

She always loved to cheer me up in her singsong logic. I sighed. "I'm on it."

Newton's Outdoor Sports Equipment sold exactly that: outdoors sports equipment. Which meant a lot of men. Don't get me wrong; the pay was fine since we received a lot of business. Being in the center of a heavily wooded area meant hunters and hikers. But that also, unfortunately, meant grab-assing, so to speak, me on the receiving end.

Oh well, Bella, just part of the job. I sighed at my own truth and walked out into the store.

The store was busy until about noon and I'd sold two mountain bikes, four pairs of hiking boots, a fishing pole, and a scuba-diving suit (I wasn't even aware we had those).

"Hey Bella," I turned to see Mike behind the register and sauntered over with a smirk; it was easy to be Brave Bella when people weren't around.

"Yes, Mike?" I leaned up for a kiss, knowing I wouldn't get one but trying anyway.

He smiled nervously. "Bella, you know the policy."

My hand smoothed over the shoulder of his red employee shirt. "It's not PDA if there's no public to watch," I said in what I hoped was a seductive tone. I saw his blue eyes flutter and he closed the distance between us. I sighed. It was hard to get him to kiss me, but when he did it made my heartbeat double-time. It was great. He groaned and pulled away. "Bella," he muttered, "I can't do this, I can't, I just…"

"It's fine," I huffed, "Sorry." Just then the door bell dinged announcing a customer. Mike smiled and ruffled my hair but I didn't feel as cheerful. I sighed in frustration and straightened out my now-ruffled hair as I went to find the customer. I hear humming as I got closer as I walked and turned into the last of the camping gear aisles.

"What are you doing here?" The words left my lips before I could think, but the strange hair registered immediately as Edward's and I couldn't believe he of all people was standing not five feet from me. Now the embarrassment of Edward knowing where I worked added to my rude little outburst set my face on fire; I was sure it matched my red work shirt perfectly.

Edward turned to face me, a little surprised, but that was quickly replaced with an arrogant smirk and a raised eyebrow that both infuriated me and made me swallow hard. "Well, good morning to you, too," he chuckled, "Is that how you greet all your customers?"

"No, I…sorry, just didn't expect to see you today. Here."

He smiled that dazzling crooked smile and I had to fight the urge to—Bella, get a hold of yourself. Mike is in the same room and here you are lusting after an arrogant annoying jerk who's changed too much to be the same as you remember—and who has a magnificently beautiful face and—

"So you work here, huh?"

I blinked. "Um, yeah, I do. You caught me."

He laughed a little but his words didn't sound so enthusiastic. "Should have figured. Boyfriend gets you a job at his parents' place."

"I actually applied here and went through an interview and everything, Edward," I spat his name out, hoping to sound annoyed (a difficult task when he was smiling).

"It's all about connections and you know it." His grin widened when I couldn't respond.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Can I help you with something?"

"Actually I've already decided on these hiking shoes."

"You hike?" I needed to start filtering my thoughts and eliminate the connection from my brain to my mouth.

"I will," he said, unfazed. "I'm planning on exploring the woods around my house, so I thought I'd be safe and use the appropriate gear for the job." He smirked in my direction and his eyes glittered with amusement. I felt myself getting lost in them and pulled myself back.

"Register is on the other side of the store." I walked off, a little angrily, but also feeling in the need of a cold shower. Why did he have me so hot and bothered? He'd changed. He was never really this arrogant, this…annoying. Except I wasn't sure if I found him annoying for the right reasons, and I refused to think about those wrong reasons.

**Thanks to those of you who reviewed, and I'll try and respond when I see them, but I'm kind of in a bit of a school-rush period so I may not. Thanks, as well, to all the alerts and faves I received :) it's exciting when your work is appreciated and anticipated by random strangers :D**

**Again, reviews are amazing and I'd love you forever...HintHint. My read and review policy pertains to not only this story but to all other authors you read as well :) They will appreciate it.**

** PianoAddict246**


	6. Routine

**I don't post often, I'm sorry. Once more, thanks for the alerts and faves, I enjoy reading my email after I post and see new adds. Thanks for the reviews, those of you who reviewed, and _please review!!!!_ for those who haven't. I really appreciate when you tell me what you think. It helps, I promise. I'll try to respond to all of them too. So, for my lack of updates, here is a lovely 2,542 word chapter. (In my defense, it took a long time for me to figure out how to keep this consistent cause there's so much going on in my head, and I couldn't find a good spot to end the chapter, hence the 2500 words. The end of the chapter isn't very good, anyway, but I'm writing the next one already, so stay with me). Love you guys. **

** PianoAddict246**

Monday morning, I felt it. The ultimate frustrating feeling that time has betrayed you. It was the feeling that life just didn't have a focus anymore.

I had had this feeling before. The feeling of…routine. That's what it was. Routine. Everything felt routine.

I heard Charlie pull out of driveway and pulled myself out of bed. After peering out into the gloomy fog settled over the street, I headed into the bathroom for a hot shower. Funny, I thought as I stepped under the steaming stream of water, I haven't felt the routine feel since…well, since I started dating Mike my sophomore year. Before I started dating Mike I was always pretty focused on just school, my classes, specifically. I had friends, I had Angela, and Ben talked to me by association with Angela. Angela was incredibly nice and easy to be around, but she seemed to understand my need of solidarity. I just felt more comfortable not getting attached. Now I had Mike. Though I was pretty positive I wasn't completely well-liked by his friends, with the exception of Tyler Crowley and possibly Jessica, I had Mike, who had helped me transition into his circle of friends. Angela and Ben came with me, though it seemed they transitioned more smoothly than I did. Lauren never glared at them. I huffed. Oh well.

I scrubbed my favorite strawberry shampoo into my hair, relaxing under the scent. Mike. I sighed audibly. I really hadn't thought I would meet someone who would change my outlook on love after Renee and Esme. When Renee left Charlie years ago, I learned that getting too close could only hurt you in the end and that was only reinforced after Esme left and took Edward with her. That all ended when I met Mike, however. I was sure Mike loved me. He reminded me constantly. Still, now that I thought about it in the privacy of my bathroom, I felt something was missing.

For some reason, Edward's face appeared in the forefront of my mind. Why would I think of Edward all of a sudden, when I was just thinking of Mike? I bit my lip in thought as I stepped into the sudden cool of my room wrapped in a towel. I retraced my thoughts. Mike, loves me, missing, Edward. Okay, that wasn't helpful, but it would give me an order in which to think of things.

I glanced at the clock and was horrified to see it was already 7:30. I had taken way too long with that shower. Dressing quickly in a green long-sleeved shirt and jeans I shoved my feet into brown ballet flats and grabbed my messenger bag. In the kitchen I grabbed an apple and the keys to my Chevy pickup. I swung the door open to find it was already beginning to drizzle. Damn it, I thought before heading out. I reached the warmth of my truck and shoved the key into the ignition and turned it. The car roared and then nothing. I tried again; it sounded like it was choking. "Grrr," I growled out loud. With another grunt of frustration I threw open the door and stomped out into the rain. It was beginning to rain harder. Just what I needed.

I popped the hood and looked inside. I was completely clueless in the car-fixing department but maybe if I just tug a few cords or tighten something…Oh, give up, Bella. You're late for school and you can't fix the car. What was I going to do? I guess I could call Charlie, but I didn't want to do that. Maybe just not going today was an option? Why did I have to pick today to decide to drive myself to school?

In the distance beyond my pissed-off thoughts I heard the sound of car tires. There weren't too many people that lived around here. Most of them would have left for work by now. I walked out to the edge of the driveway and a silver Volvo slowed in front of me. Why me?

The window rolled down and I blushed furiously at the situation. "Do you need a ride?" Edward looked like he was holding back a smirk but when I glared he composed himself quickly.

"Something's wrong with my car," I shouted over the rain.

He paused and just looked at me like I was stupid. "Well, are you gonna get in or not? I'm running late, too."

I looked at my truck. My traitorous stupid truck. I could just skip school today. Or you could ride in Edward's car and stop being an idiot. I looked back at Edward, waiting patiently for my decision. What worried me was that I wanted to ride with Edward. I sighed in defeat and grabbed my stuff out of my truck. I felt bad for messing up the Volvo's car seat. It seemed so clean and shiny; Edward didn't need me muddying it up. But when I turned to apologize he was looking at me with concern.

"What?" I asked, confused by the expression.

"Nothing, just…you okay?" He peeled out of the driveway at a speed much faster than I would have liked, but we were running late.

"Fine, why?" I snapped and instantly regretted it; he cringed a little at my tone.

"You just look…frustrated. Troubled." His green eyes held mine for a moment before he turned back to the road.

"Well, I spent too long in the shower, and my car just died, and I have a lot of stuff on my mind." I added the last part without thinking.

"Do you want to talk about it?" In the warmth of his car, Edward's voice sounded so smooth and rich, like honey, I thought. How come I never noticed how different he sounded than other guys? How more…mature.

"Um, I'm okay, thanks." I looked at the clock on the dashboard and gasped. "It's 8:15 already?" I moaned and ran my hand over my eyes. Then I remembered. "Oh, hey, I'm really, really sorry about Charlie the other day, he just…"

"Moved on. It's fine, really." He gave me a small reassuring smile and I stared too long.

He drove in silence while I silently swore I'd destroy my truck when I got home. I heard Edward groan and looked up. "What?"

"The only parking spaces are far away."

I giggled at his distress. "So?"

"So," he exhaled dramatically, pulling into an available space, "I hate walking in rain." He paused for a moment and laughed quietly. "Yeah, I guess it's kind of stupid."

"Well," I said, unable to disagree. We both sat there staring at the clock.

"First period is a third over."

"Yeah." I looked at him and he looked at me.

"I'm not gonna try and catch up in the middle of class," he said.

"I won't try either. Doesn't make sense." I couldn't think of a logical excuse to stay in the car with him; all I knew was I felt drawn to him as I sat there, a drowned cat in a green sweater, and suddenly wanted to tell him everything. Just everything, from when he'd left to when he'd come back. So I started. I told him about my mother left before I'd met him; about how I felt after he'd left; about Mike and how I changed after he'd walked up to me that day in the cafeteria; about how easy it was to be around him; and I slipped up about how I felt something was missing.

"What do you mean?" Edward asked. He'd been listening patiently since I started talking.

I sighed. "I didn't mean to tell you that. I don't know, really. I just…" I looked up into Edward's face and observed how his piercing eyes looked at me so intently, how his hair seemed more disheveled than usual and still fit him so well, how his lips were parted infinitesimally, how the breath that slipped from between those lips smelled like mint and sugar. I wanted to close my eyes and just sit in the comfort his presence gave me.

"How long have you and Mike been dating?" he asked softly, pulling me from my trance.

"Since the middle of sophomore year."

"And how far have you gone?"

I froze. "You mean…?"

He chuckled, "Yes, Bella."

I felt the familiar blush creep into my face. The truth was we hadn't gotten far at all. The one time we let things get a little heated he ended up with his hand up my shirt, and then he'd pulled away, apologizing profusely for his actions. I thought he'd been apologizing to me, but when he told me I was "too tempting" and he was saving himself for marriage, I figured he was talking to God.

"Bella?"

"Not far," I mumbled.

Edward sat back against his seat. "There's your problem."  
I looked up confused. "What?"

He looked at me sideways. "You can't build a relationship solely on an emotional base, as much as people would like to believe that. You have to be attracted to one another."

"We are," I huffed.

"Really? Then why haven't you tried harder to get him to make you happy?"

My mouth fell open. "Because, Edward, I would be making him unhappy."

The serious look in his eyes worried me a little. "No perfect boyfriend would keep his girlfriend unhappy. (A/N I decided Mike would be the source of Bella's 'frustration' this time around)"

My arms folded over my chest and I stared out the window at the rain. "We all have to make sacrifices."

"I know," he said under his breath.

The clock said 9:00 and I picked up my bag from the floor. "Second period."

When he gave me a last glance, his eyes had the same sorrowful expression I saw before he left my house last Friday. I bit my bottom lip as I got out of the car, briefly noticing the rain had let up. Had I said something? If anyone should be sad it's me, now that I was thinking about my love life, or lack thereof.

Lack thereof. Was…was that it? Was it really about the no-sex policy or was it more? I did feel frustrated, I admitted, but when I thought about it Mike showed no signs of wanting me; at least, he didn't act like a boyfriend of nearly two years. And I'd clearly expressed my want for him multiple times only to be rejected.

"Edward!" I called after him, running up to catch him as he had walked off without me (much to the disappointment I wouldn't admit to). He turned in question.

"Look, um, I'm sorry I was rude, I just…" I struggled to find the words that would get that smile back on his face but I gave up. "Thanks."

He nodded without a word but he walked beside me towards the school.

I could not focus on anything my history teacher said, or my math teacher, or personal finance instructor, and I managed to whack three others and myself with my badminton racket. Mike laughed it off and told me to stop swinging; the other two, Jessica and Lauren, were not so forgiving and snickered at my attempts the rest of class, as well as at lunch, where Mike, once again, failed to see the malice radiating from their eyes.

In Spanish, we were watching a movie ("si, en Español, Señorita Swan") so I decided to ruminate over earlier this morning. First off, The Feeling. The routine feeling, I thought, couldn't be that unusual. School was just so consistent and boring. But after what Edward had brought up that morning, I wondered. Could this have anything to do with Mike? I always felt content around him, but if I was being honest with myself the fact that we never took our relationship any further physically added to the fact that we lived in Forks, so excitement was out of the question, our relationship itself was routine. Was I unhappy? I didn't think I was unhappy. I didn't feel unhappy. But I certainly wasn't happy.

The bell rang and I switched classes. Composition was probably the easiest class I was enrolled in, besides Biology, and the essay we were supposed to write was done well before time. Instead of reading _East of Eden_, as the class was instructed to do after finishing, my wandered.

So I decided I wasn't unhappy, but I wasn't happy either. Where would I go with that? I was in a position that girls would kill (me) for: the girlfriend of the most popular hottest guy in school. But do you really want that? I was stunned by this thought, completely confused as to where it came from. Of course I wanted that. Didn't I?

The image of Edward's smile made an appearance before I could answer. I wasn't sure if I did want it or not. That was my problem. Of course I loved Mike. He was cute and sweet and funny. But the fact that he hadn't tried to take things physically made me think that maybe he didn't love me the way I thought. Which in turn made me question whether I wanted him to love me that way. No, you don't. Where in the world did these thoughts come from? I didn't love Mike. I. Didn't. Love. Mike. Wow.

Slowly, anger seeped into my body. Now I was definitely unhappy. Edward had to tell me this, didn't he? I was fine living my life the way I was. Why did I talk to him? I was seething as I stormed to Biology, preparing myself to tell him to leave me the hell alone and all that.

My willpower, however, crumbled into a fine dust as soon as I set eyes on Edward, sitting in the back, laughing at something Ben was telling him. Even from where I stood near the door I could see his green eyes light up. How could I be upset with that beautiful boy? As I walked to my seat, humbled and ashamed, I looked up when he said my name.  
"Bella, you still look like a drowned cat." That is exactly how I could be upset with him. I wanted to wipe that annoying smirk off his face. He laughed at my reaction and joined by Ben who quickly retreated at my glare.

"Thanks for that," I muttered under my breath as class started.

"Relax, Bella, I meant it as a joke." He leaned back in his seat and stared at me for a long time.

After a while I got uncomfortable. "What?"

"Honestly?" he breathed, his face hinting at a flush.

I tore a sheet out of my notebook and wrote.

_Yes._

He paused a moment before writing, the flush creeping higher into his cheek.

_Noticing you look prettier than you used to. I wasn't sure that was possible_.

It was my turn to blush.

Even the high-n-mighty Edward Cullen can be humbled. _(Think I didn't notice the red in your face this time?)_

He glanced at me and leaned over just enough to whisper in my ear. "What can I say, sometimes all it takes is a beautiful girl."

**What do you think? I was curious and I'm still wondering, should I keep Edward slightly arrogant yet still sort of sensitive being around Bella, as he is now, or should he be edgier? I always thought an edgy Edward Cullen was hot, but I would love opinions. **

**PS. _Twilight_ out Saturday!!! Is anyone else having a movie night or am I just that uncool to sit at home with my friends and watch _Twilight_ on Saturday night?**


	7. Spinning

**This chapter is for Araeo, for all her encouragement that made me want to finish this chapter faster, and the interesting (yet helpful) reviews that gave me a laugh when I wasn't sure how to go about this story. And for being my advertisement. :)**

**Playlist: Spinning-Jack's Mannequin**

** Forget December-Something Corporate**

** Strawberry Swing-Coldplay  
**

_Even the high-n-mighty Edward Cullen can be humbled. (Think I didn't notice the red in your face this time?)_

_He glanced at me and leaned over just enough to whisper in my ear. "What can I say, sometimes all it takes is a beautiful girl."_

I didn't know what to say so I stayed silent and opened my notebook to a new page. I began to draw. I wasn't sure what, at first, but after I had spent a good ten minutes on shading a sharp jaw and perfecting two big dark eyes I paused and almost laughed at how ridiculous this was getting. For the last half hour I hadn't even been aware I'd been _thinking_ about him.

"Can I see?"

I jumped, startled out of my thoughts. "Um, well, no, it's not…" but I wasn't fast enough; he was already pulling the notebook out of my hands. I held my breath, waiting for the laugh, or the what-a-freak look, but when I tentatively looked up neither was there. His eyes were wide but with…surprise?

He looked at me with the same expression he'd had the second day I'd spoken to him: searching for something he couldn't quite find. "Where did you learn to do this?"

I bit my lip, a little embarrassed. He did know he'd caught me sketching his profile like an obsessive stalker, right? "Um, before I met you, my mom, Renee, she made me take art classes with her. She was always doing something like that, art classes, dance, piano lessons, painting, sculpting, interior design, gardening. She was a creative soul, I guess. She quit after a couple of weeks, but I kind of kept at it."

"You're talented." He smiled as I blushed, and this wasn't the same arrogant smirk that seemed to always grace his lips lately.

"Thanks," I said as the bell marked the end of the day. I gathered my books slowly, wishing, and not admitting that I was, for an excuse to stay just a few seconds longer. Mike had never found my drawing interesting. He didn't dislike it, but he never commented on it. _Oh God, Mike_.

"Bella, you coming?" he called from the door, shaking Jessica, who pulled at him playfully, off his arm.

"Yeah," I called over my shoulder, "hold on." I turned to Edward who'd gathered his books as well and stood up. We stared at each other in silence for a moment.

"Did you think I forgot I drove you here today?" he smiled, making me smile back.

"Well, I wondered. Mike has to work today and he starts his shift in like half an hour so…"

Edward laughed. "Meet me by the library," he said more quietly and walked out of the room.

I followed and met Mike at the front of the school. "Hey, Mike," I said, painfully conscious of the unenthusiastic tone of my words, and of the fact that Mike didn't seem to notice how I stared after Edward.

"Hey, Bells," he leaned in and gave me a one-armed hug. "I noticed your truck wasn't here today. What happened?"

"Something's wrong with it, so I got a ride with…a friend," I cleared my throat to cover the hesitation at the last two words.

"Oh, do you need a ride then? I could drive you home…"

"No, it's fine, I'm supposed to meet my friend in the library and we're gonna book search anyway. I'll get a ride." The words rushed out but he didn't seem to notice. He shrugged and kissed me swiftly, but not before I noticed I hadn't reacted to it.

He began heading off to his jeep and then stopped. "I can come look at your car if you want. Just call."

"I'll probably have Charlie look at it, don't worry about it," I assured, already turning towards the library. "Have fun at work," I added lightly. He laughed and rolled his eyes sarcastically, and left. Poor Mike, I thought, he doesn't know his girlfriend is actually a monster. He's so innocent. He doesn't deserve this. He didn't deserve this at all, and I didn't deserve him. But did I deserve to be unhappy? I sighed in frustration. I'd figure it out later. For now, Edward was, hopefully, waiting for me by the library.

As I neared, I took in his form leaning against the pillar by the library doors, and he reminded me of a Greek statue, perfect and perfectly still. He looked up and I saw his bright green eyes light up but he held back the smile. "Ready?" he asked.

I nodded and fell into step beside him towards his car.

"So," I said, smirking a little; I felt victorious that I had escaped Mike and would sit in the car with Edward, if only for twenty minutes. I hated that part of me right now but I couldn't bring myself to care, particularly as Edward presently turned his head to look at me with a funny expression of adorable confusion.

I giggled and he nudged me playfully. "What?" he asked, on the verge of chuckling himself.

I didn't really know what I was laughing at, because his expression wasn't as funny as I thought. And still, the silly smile wouldn't leave my face. "I guess…I guess I'm just in a good mood today."

Edward laughed, and I silently vowed to find what would make him produce that thick honey-like sound again. "That's good, I guess," he laughed as he opened the passenger door for me, shutting it after I stepped in.

From my seat (still a little damp from this morning; I'd have to pay him for that), I watched his graceful stride to his side of the car. Was he always this smooth? This attractive? I hadn't been attracted to him before. Right?

"So I'll take a look at that piece of the cretaceous period of yours when we get to your house," he said with a laugh as he pulled out of the parking lot onto the main road.

I swatted his arm playfully. "Hey, have respect for the senior citizen, okay? I'm kind of liking him more than you right now."

"So you like me?"

My breath got caught in my throat. I looked out the window at the trees rushing by. "What do you mean, like you?"

I heard him sigh. "You know what I mean, Bella."

I didn't respond, figuring it'd be safer. If I tried to speak, I'd say something very, very stupid. But I was wrong, because he chuckled darkly. "You do, don't you? I knew it."

I was getting more agitated with every word he said. I wouldn't admit they were correct. "What, did you read my mind?"

He smiled. "Vampire, remember?"

I huffed. "That doesn't entitle you to other powers."

"This vampire does have other powers," he said haughtily, "you know, besides being incredibly sexy."

I narrowed my eyes in his direction, but wouldn't meet his eyes. He was starting to know me a little too much and if I wasn't careful, I'd do the very, very stupid thing I was thinking. "Of course, I like you, Edward, we lived together for three years. I learned to."

He seemed to let it go, so I risked a glance at his face. He didn't look at me but a smug smile played on his lips. I wanted to growl in frustration at his arrogance. Why couldn't I just stop staring at him? Why did he have to be so smart and…and funny and gorgeous and have such deep green eyes and…_oh this isn't helping_. I chewed on my bottom lip and stared back out my window.

Not soon enough, he pulled into my driveway next to my traitorous Chevy and I was out of the car before he'd turned it off. His mere presence had me hot and bothered and I wasn't sure how long I'd last now.

I ran up the porch and opened the door, dropping my stuff inside and heading back out. Edward was already bent over under the open hood of my car, looking for the problem. He'd rolled the long sleeves of his green sweater to his elbows, revealing the strong muscles of his forearms. I was nearly mesmerized at the way his long elegant fingers moved over the black cords near the battery, and his eyebrows furrowed in concentration over his perfect eyes. I sighed and descended down the steps. This was why I wouldn't last.

"Have you figured out what's wrong with it?"

He saw me and straightened up, brushing off his hands on his jeans. "I have a couple of ideas but see if you can figure it out."

My mouth fell open a little. "What? The reason I'm letting you do this is because I can't, Edward. Otherwise I would have done it this morning."

"Try it now, while you're not frustrated." He smiled the lopsided smile he seemed to save for me. I hadn't seen it on his face when he spoke to other people. I was frustrated; just not in the way he thought.

I gave him a last weak glare and looked under the hood. "All I see are chords and big stuff and the battery."

"Think about it, Bella." I liked how my name rolled off his tongue. Too much. "You know what this should look like under normal circumstances. Look for what's not quite right."

"I know that, idiot," I muttered under my breath. I was sure he'd heard me but he chose to ignore the comment. As I looked over everything carefully I couldn't find anything different than what I remember it all looked like the last time I'd looked under here, which for the record was quite a while ago. Nothing, nothing…nothing. I stood up and looked around, thinking. Wait.

"Wait." I noticed the gas cap on the side of the car and I knew something felt off. "Does it have to do with the gas cap at all?"

"Why would you think it had to do with the gas cap?" he asked with a smirk, confirming I was right.

"I'm not sure," I admitted, "I just…I was thinking maybe it had something to do with the fuel line or something near it."

He shrugged. "Let's see." He took my hand and pulled me to the side of the car. He pulled open the cover on the cap. "Open it."

I was sure I looked a little confused, but I quickly did what he said. A stream of air whooshed out of the cap and I jumped a little. Edward's hand tightened in mine reassuringly. "It's okay," he said, "It was a vapor lock. Incidentally that only happens with older cars. There was a vacuum in the fuel line and the fuel wasn't reaching the engine, so you were right. It had a lot to do with the fuel line. Go start the car."

Again, I felt a little confused, but I trusted him, in more than just the car situation, and probably more than I should. Reluctantly, I let go of his hand and pulled the keys out of my back pocket. The key slid into the ignition and as I turned it, the truck roared to life. The sound startled me and I laughed.

"You fixed it." Edward leaned against the doorframe and smiled.

"Thanks," I breathed, holding his burning gaze.

He shrugged a little and his grin widened. "You figured it out. I only stood back and looked pretty."

I giggled involuntarily and tried to chastise myself, but at the moment, breathing in his scent and feeling the warmth his body's proximity produced in my own body, I could hardly think. Suddenly the world seemed to come to a halt, silence, stillness, and it was just Edward and I. All I could see was him, his bright eyes flecked with gold, his ever-so-slightly bent nose, the slight imperfection of a chipped canine next to his otherwise straight teeth, the graceful curve of his lips into the mesmerizing smile that revealed those teeth. Without another thought I leaned forward and captured that smile with my lips.

A voice began screaming in my head to stop, but it was so insignificant to the way my heart jumped and fell into a fast rhythm, finally relieved to see that his lips were in fact as soft as I'd secretly imagined. I should have pulled away immediately. I should have shoved him away when his lips moved so in sync with mine. I should have let go of his hand that rested on my neck. There were a lot of things I should have done.

The kiss lasted longer than I should have liked, but I didn't care. When he pulled away, we were both breathing harder. "Bella, I…"

"I'm sorry," I apologized quickly, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…"

"Bella." His voice stopped me and forced me to look up. He seemed at a loss for words, mouth open as if to say something. Instead, he laughed nervously. "Bella, it's my fault."

"It's both of us then." He smiled apologetically and I held his face between my hands; he leaned into my touch and I felt my heart flutter. "Edward, I…I don't know that I should have done that."

His face fell and I quickly added, "You're too…I have a boyfriend, Edward. Kissing you is…probably not acceptable, and I…"

"I should go," he said quietly, and I felt rather than heard the disappointment in his voice.

I hesitated but I dropped my hands and watched him drive away. The feelings that had flooded my veins and into my heart when I'd felt his lips move so effortlessly with me told me I needed him, like fire needs oxygen, to survive. They reminded me that I didn't feel like doing cartwheels the few times Mike's lips had touched me. They laughed at me now when I tried to convince myself it would never happen again.

**Helpful reviews make me write faster, I won't lie. I always appreciate the alerts and the favorites, but it'd be super awesome if you reviewed. Click that button below, you can do it!**


	8. These Are The Nights

**Totally not updating fast enough, but this story is getting harder to write because it's getting bogged down in the emotions. FYI: the reference to the butterfly is very possibly inaccurate. The info only came from a memory I had of someone telling me something about it. **

_I hesitated but I dropped my hands and watched him drive away. The feelings that had flooded my veins and into my heart when I'd felt his lips move so effortlessly with me told me I needed him, like fire needs oxygen, to survive. They reminded me that I didn't feel like doing cartwheels the few times Mike's lips had touched me. They laughed at me now when I tried to convince myself it would never happen again. _

Edward wasn't in Biology on Tuesday. Or Wednesday, or Thursday, or Friday. Every day before and after school I would find myself looking for that shiny silver Volvo. Every day after school Mike offered me a ride home and I guiltily refused. I was going to have to talk to him eventually.

The bell rang and I gathered my 'notes' into my bag. I'd spent the entire Bio class convincing myself I was more upset with the fact that I was having trouble figuring things out with Mike than with the fact that Edward wasn't here with his smug remarks and sarcastic laughs. I sighed.

"Need a ride home today?"

I looked up. Mike was so cute sometimes, but he was just on the verge of getting on my nerves. He couldn't help it if he was an insistent puppy-dog all the time. Poor Mike. "Yeah, actually, that'd be great."

Charlie had driven me early to school every day after Monday and I'd walked home in the fog. I just couldn't face Mike after my epiphany. He didn't even know the horrible thoughts and plans my shameful mind was concocting. Even though I knew I didn't love him anymore, I didn't want to hurt him. He'd been the best boyfriend I've ever had. (Okay, maybe the first real one) He had been respectful and a total gentleman, and he was funny, and always did well in all his classes and hung out with his younger cousin. As far as I was concerned he was pretty much the guy who would be voted 'most likely to succeed in life.' And maybe that's part of what I didn't find as appealing anymore. He was safe, and if I was going to be honest, every girl likes a bit of a bad boy, especially in a town as uneventful as Forks. The most rebellion I'd seen at Forks High School took the form of an occasional late student stumbling into class ten minutes after the starting bell.

"So what's with that Cullen kid?"

"What?"

Mike chuckled. "You really are out of it these days."

"Sorry," I smiled sheepishly, "I don't know what's wrong with me."

Mike pulled out of the parking space and headed out onto the main road. "So?"

I kept my face composed, but the smirk at the thought of Edward struggled to remain hidden. "What do you mean?"

"Is he as weird as he looks?" he laughed.

I smiled now. "Well, he's…different, that's for sure. What do you think others think about him?"

Mike sighed and ran a hand through his carefully perfected hair. "Well, Jessica and Lauren for a fact find him 'interesting.' They think he's nice-looking." What an understatement.

"Lauren?" I snorted. "So does Tyler know of her interest?"

Mike laughed his adorable boyish laugh and another dagger sliced through my heart. _God, how could I do this to him?_ "It wouldn't be hard to figure out," he said, "Lauren isn't Ms. Stealth. But I think Tyler is so caught up in the Lauren Perfection he doesn't really pay attention to much else."

_That's how Mike thinks about me and he doesn't even know it_. I knew I wasn't good at lying; I had to have been obvious at some point in my interest in Edward.

We talked quietly about nonsense until he pulled into my driveway.

"So I'll see you at work tomorrow?"

I nodded and turned towards him when he leaned over to kiss me. I caught his lips, my heart already racing with anticipation and…nothing. I clasped my hands around his neck and tried again. Still nothing. With a sigh I pulled away. Mike looked a little flustered but also a little awkward. "I'll see you tomorrow," I whispered, stepping out of the car.

"Yeah, sure," he said clearing his throat and avoiding eye contact.

I made a beeline for the house and didn't look back. As soon as the door was shut I let the sobs consume me. I cried while I made dinner, I was still crying when Charlie comes home, to who's questioning I respond with 'it's a girl thing,' and I haven't stopped when I finish my homework. (Yes, finishing homework on a Friday night). When my tears finally began to dry, I let myself wonder about what brought this on. I knew it had to do with Mike. When I hadn't felt anything in that kiss, I knew it was the end. I couldn't lie to myself, I couldn't make this work. I didn't _want_ him to kiss me anymore, and isn't that what I had wanted when I did love him? I cried because I knew it was over. But I never imagined my first breakup to be like this. Of course, I hadn't even thought of breaking up with Mike; it seemed so sure we'd be together, well, forever. And it wasn't really a breakup since he wasn't aware of it. _Yet, Bella, yet_. Of course. I was going to have to talk to him soon.

I looked up at myself in the mirror as I changed into my tank top and shorts. I looked the same as I always had. I was the definition of a Plain Jane with my dark brown hair, pale skin, boring brown eyes, average height. My curves weren't as defined as I would have liked them to be. This was me, Bella. And those are the eyes of a traitor. I brushed my teeth vigorously as if to rid my mouth of the taste of betrayal. I never thought I would be one to be so cruel, so evil-minded. Mike, poor innocent Mike, completely unaware of the works of his girlfriend. Haven't we been through this before? Yes, we have, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. With a final disgusted look at myself I turned off the light of the bathroom and walked back to my room.

What was I going to do? I thought, staring up at the moonlight on my ceiling. Now that Edward had finally ruined my life by walking back into it, I had to make a decision. Would I give Mike up because Edward convinced me I didn't love him? It was obvious I didn't though. So yes, I would have to break up with him. When? A stark laugh broke the midnight silence and I almost laughed again when I realized it was mine. If Edward could decide I didn't love Mike anymore, couldn't he at least give me the details of the breakup? Stupid Edward. Stupid…arrogant…annoying…smug…green-eyed, gorgeous, velvet-voiced—_Bella_—jerk. I sighed and ran a hand over my face.

Bella.

Great, I was also hearing Edward's voice. I have to get over this sick obsession with him because it was not doing anything for my confusion right now—

"Bella!"

I definitely heard it that time. "Edward?" I whispered loudly, sitting up and looking around. The moonlight in my room was bright enough I would have seen him if he was in my room. He must be—

Crack!

I jumped and ran to the window. Looking through it, there was Edward sitting precariously on the end of the tree branch outside my window. Looking more carefully I also saw a jagged line in the glass of the window. He broke the window! Furious, I threw the window open. "Edward Anthony Cullen! You really just broke my window? Really? What the hell are you doing here?"

"Can I come in first, please?" The pleading look on his face told me he wasn't happy with his position outside my window either.

I huffed. "Fine." I stepped back and folded my arms across my chest. It was childish but at the moment, at one in the morning, I couldn't care less.

Edward quickly-and oddly gracefully-slipped into my room and straightened up, looking for me. When he met my eyes in the darker corner of my room, he smiled. My heart, the traitor it was, beat double time when it recognized the smile as the one he seemed to save for me and only me. Stop being such a sap, Bella.

"Bella," he said softly, "you have to come with me, I have to show you something."

"At one in the morning there is nothing you could possibly have to show me!" I whispered furiously, still straining for sound of a waking Charlie.

"Yes, there is," he insisted. He came closer and extended his hand, wanting me to accept his offer.

I looked at his hand for a second, and sighed. "What is it you have to show me?"

His green eyes lit up at my acceptance. "It's a surprise."

What? "Oh no, Edward, I don't do surprises," I groaned.

"Please?" he pouted, and I knew I never had a chance. "It'll be worth it."

Another silent pause, this time only for an effect; I had already agreed when he'd put on that face. "Fine," I grumbled and shoved past him, ignoring his hand and grabbing my jeans off the chair. My thumbs were hooked into my shorts when I noticed my lack of privacy. "Could you turn around?" I snapped. He did so, palms up and facing me in surrender. "Why weren't you here all week?"

"Did someone miss me?" I could hear his infuriating chuckle.

"Does someone not want me to accompany them on this midnight excursion?"

He fell silent and then apologized. "I was out of town for…personal reasons. I'm sorry, okay? It won't happen again."

His words were quiet, and not as smug as his earlier ones, and I almost regretted my tone. "Fine, but could you tell me before you decide not to show up again? I…I did miss my lab partner." No one spoke for a few moments as I finished getting dressed. "You can turn around now."

Edward's eyes met mine and I felt my knees turn to jelly. The usual bright green darkened a little and almost…smoldered into my own brown ones. The only thing that broke the trance he'd put me in (and probably the only thing that could have at that moment) was the crooked smile that broke the tension in his seraphic face. "Come on," he beckoned, already swinging a leg over the windowsill.

"I'm not going out the window, Cullen!" I exclaimed. "Feel free to break a leg, since I'll be waiting beneath after I've left through the front door."

He seemed to reconsider his options and eventually came back in. "Fine," he huffed. "Lead the way."

This meant having to sneak past Charlie's room. I knew all the creaks in the floorboards, but Edward didn't. "Follow my exact path." He nodded and waited.

We made it out the door without incident—except the minor stumble on a shoe Charlie had left by the hall closet, by me—and we walked off into the night. "So where are you taking me?" I asked, rubbing my hands together; Forks' nights in the fall could be very cold, but I didn't think of it when I'd dressed back in my room.

"I told you it's a surprise." Edward took my left hand tightly. I glanced up at his face for a reason but he gave none away, so I squeezed his hand back. He opened the door to his Volvo and shut it when I settled in. Soon we were on the main road through town.

"So…" he started with a glance in my direction, "how opposed are you to a little walk in the woods?"

"Are you serious, Cullen?" I hissed. "The woods? I could kill you right now."

He pursed his lips. "Well, that would be unfortunate for you, as I am the designated driver at the moment."

That wasn't even funny. Instead of pointing that out though I turned and glared at the window with my drooping eyes. This better be good. I turned in surprise when Edward turned up the volume on the radio. "_Claire de Lune_?"

He smiled in the same surprise. "You know Debussy?"

"_Réverie_ is my favorite composition," I laughed, unable to contain the odd delight I received from knowing Edward liked the same music I did.

"_Réverie_ is beautiful, but I have to say I've always rather enjoyed _La Fille Aux Cheveux de Lin._" He smiled and I could see an eyebrow raised cockily, as if trying to…impress me? Well, well, well.

"_The Girl With the Flaxen Hair_ is very pretty, too," I shot back with a smug grin. I hadn't learned too much French from the few weeks of lessons with Renee, but I did remember looking up that piece after I'd heard it on the radio. Edward laughed when he caught glance of my smugness.

"We're here." He turned a sharp right into what looked at first like just trees, but in the brightness of the headlights ended up being a dark and curvy path between them. We continued for a while and then came to a sudden halt. Edward unbuckled my seat belt as he leaned across me and opened the compartment, pulling out a flashlight. "Come on."

Shutting the car door, I looked around. "Where are we, Edward?" He didn't answer and I looked to my other side. "Edward?"

"It will be a surprise," he whispered in my ear, grabbing me around the waist and nearly stopping my heart. "Now, again, come on." He grabbed my hand loosely and pulled me along, letting me go when he reached the edge of the trees. "Follow me," he said.

After a few minutes of stumbling in the dark and attempting to follow Edward, I gave a frustrated sigh and pushed through until I reached Edward. Then I grabbed his hand firmly, twining his fingers with mine. "I'm gonna get lost," I muttered as an excuse. But another while at it and I had only managed to slow us down.

"God, Bella, we're never going to get there if you keep this up," he sighed, dragging me over some snarling tree roots.

"Well," I started angrily, "I didn't tell you to drag me through a dark forest in the middle of the night while I'm half asleep, _Edward_."

I yelped as my legs were knocked out from under me and strong arms lifted me. "Edward Cullen," I groaned, but didn't say anything else. If I wanted to get back home and get some sleep, or better yet, survive the deadly branches and roots that threatened to cripple me, I'd have to go with this. Sooner than I thought, Edward set me back on my feet, but kept an arm around my waist. He gave a last look that I could hardly see in the dull light of the flashlight, then pushed through a couple more pines.

My first reaction was to gasp, and the second was to stop breathing, which didn't do so well with the first and I let the air whoosh out of my lungs. "Edward," I breathed. I stepped forward into the perfect circle of moonlit grass. Every flower and blade of grass, every leaf, seemed to take on an unearthly shine in the moonlight; a gentle breeze swayed everything ever so slightly. Are those…?

"Butterflies?" I turned to find Edward's eyes on mine, now a soft jade green that oddly enough made me blush.

"Fritzgaertner's Flat's and Indian Nocturnal butterflies," he said softly. At my confused expression he smiled, not the usual arrogance behind it, and walked forward until he was very close. "Look," he pointed to a dark butterfly with gold spots on the tip of its wings resting on a bunch of hydrangea near the edge of the circle. "Fritzgaertner's Flat. It's recorded that it's only been seen twice in the United States."

I gasped. "And it's right here in Forks."

He laughed quietly. "Yeah, I thought that was strange too." He sat in the grass and lay back, closing his eyes and breathing deeply. I watched, entranced, as he breathed in and out, his chest rising and falling. The light cast an eerily angelic glow on his skin and laying there, arms by his side, he was the definition of perfection and I had to fight the urge to do something very stupid. Instead, I sat by him and took his arm into my lap, tracing the veins inside his elbow with my fingertips.

"You have no idea how good that feels," he laughed softly, eyes still closed.

"How did you find this place?" I asked just as quietly, continuing my exploration of his arm.

"Remember when I bought the hiking boots at your store?" He opened an eye and I nodded. "I did go hiking. This place isn't too far off from where I live."

"You went alone?" The concern that laced my question didn't go unnoticed.

"Yes, I did, but you're invited to come with me anytime." He winked and I smiled, looking back at his hand. After a moment's silence, I felt rather than heard the sigh from him.

"Bella." His usually rich honey-like voice seemed strained. "I really did miss you when I left."

I bit my bottom lip, avoiding his eyes. "Edward, I…for months on end I was so…angry. Esme really hurt Charlie, but I couldn't even comfort him. You were my first real best friend. I mean, I have Angela and I've had my share of Jessica and Lauren (at this I snorted), but you…knew."

I felt Edward sit up and he slid his arm out from my fingers until they reached his hand, where he left it. "Bella, when I left …I thought I'd be able to move on, you know? California just doesn't have the same appeal to me that you had."

I smiled at his comment. His nose skimmed over my jaw, my cheek, his lips brushing away my silent tears that had managed to escape, and I looked up into his eyes. They looked right back, the tight arrogance of earlier gone and other emotions I didn't recognize in its place. I knew it then.

Of three things I was absolutely positive.

First, I didn't love Mike. I never had, and I never would.

Second, living with Edward had made us best friends and no distance between us could change that. The impression he'd left on me before he left was still here now that he'd come back.

And third, I was falling for Edward, and soon I would be completely and irrevocably in love with him.

**Is this romantic enough? I feel it's all romantic but I could be wrong (see profile for my views on romance lol) Reviews wanted :D **

**Song/chapter title: These Are The Nights-Making April**

**Other contributing inspirations: Jason Mraz-Lucky**

** Owl City-The Saltwater Room**

** Jack's Mannequin-Hammer and Strings (A Lullaby)**

**And Emilie, who reads everything I write and sends it back with angry red comments.**

**"The stuff in red are the edits."**

**"Emmy, _everything_ is in red."  
**

**"Um. Yeah."**


	9. Breathing Honesty

**Please don't hate me! I'm sorry I haven't updated in what's probably been literally months, I should have warned you. I'm getting married this weekend! Finally. I've been so tied up in my wedding, I haven't given anyone not in the wedding a second glance, so I apologize gravely for that. At the moment, I have free time (crazy, I know) and I wrote something up. You guys deserve better than that, but I'm typing on my soon-to-be-husband's laptop and I don't have my story setup, so I didn't want to be completely off on the story. It's a short chapter, but hopefully we'll be moving along soon after I'm married. I have no idea how long our honeymoon is, since Alex (my soon-to-be-husband) says it's a surprise and he's fixed the whole thing with my boss and everything. Stupid romantic nerdy fiancé. I promise I'll let you know how long when I find out. **

**Thank you x a million and sixteen for all the alerts and favorites. I did notice my email exploding with messages from . It's so cool to know people enjoy the things that go through my head.**

**Last of all, this chapter isn't too exciting, but it gives some background on Bella and Edward.**

My dad is the police chief of Forks. He takes care of most of the 'crime' that goes on. When we moved here, the town was happy to take him on and he was happy to let them. I remember the day he told me and I ran into the living room where my mother was sitting in front of the window. She jumped when I said "Mom?" and when she turned around to look at me; it was as if she didn't know who I was. I guess even then she was thinking about leaving.

She didn't; not right then, but she did when I was six. Since then, it's been Charlie and me except for the few times he'd meet someone and we got to pretend we were a "family" for a few days. Charlie's never been good with women. I never cared to remember the names of most of them.

After them was Esme, whom Charlie met when I was eight on a business trip in Seattle over the summer. I remember the smile on Charlie's face when he came back. He looked twenty years younger. "Guess what, Bells?" he'd said, the excitement leaking into his words. I waited expectantly and he continued. "We're going to be a family again!"

For one crazy stupid second, I thought Mom had come back. That she'd decided she missed us, that she'd thought about Charlie and me, and wanted to be with us. But then Charlie said, "Her name is Esme and, Bella, you're going to love her." That was the end of that.

The relationship worked for three years. The first few weeks Edward and I avoided each other, only mumbling a little when forced to converse at the dinner table. But then one night Charlie said, "Bells, will you pass the rolls to Edward? He hasn't eaten one," and Edward said, "I said I didn't want any earlier," at the same time I said, "He already said he didn't want any." It seemed that after that we got along.

By the time Charlie and Esme's relationship got really bad, when the arguments were no longer about how Charlie stunted Esme's creative side or how Esme never cleaned up the messes she left behind after a painting, I knew that Edward's favorite book was the same as mine, _Treasure Island_; that he hated Sprite but loved 7-Up; and that his father had died in a car accident when he was five. He knew I would eat lasagna for every meal if I could, that I hated bees, and that my mother had left and hadn't written or anything.

We were friends. I still remember the look of utter interest when I was talking, as if it was important to catch everything I said. Not even Esme did that. Actually, not even Charlie did that. I remember how Edward cried the time we found a bird's nest in the backyard and the mother bird's body on the ground, mauled by a cat, and he tried to save the eggs. They never hatched. And when I wrecked my bike while riding lazy loops around the driveway, listening to Charlie and Esme having a tense 'discussion' through the open kitchen window, he helped me inside and got me a Band-Aid, and took the blame when Esme wanted to know who'd gotten the bike into the front garden.

We had our fights, of course. He took too much time on the computer and made sure to make fun of the 'crappy shows' I watched on TV. I made fun of his hair in turn—"It's like a girl's, all shiny and soft"—but I secretly wished my own was like it, glossy and smooth as a new penny. I never told him, of course. He teased me about my eyes being boring and brown and the color of things better left unmentioned. Still, after every fight, one of us apologized. Charlie and Esme never did that.

It was inevitable that Esme would leave. After those three years, we limped through Christmas and a disastrous Valentine's Day. It was exactly three months before Edward's birthday, a date I'd marked on our kitchen calendar in a blue gel pen with a smiley face, the day they left. Esme had packed up everything in boxes and Charlie called angrily from the sitting room that there'd better not be anything missing. From the look on Esme's face, Charlie might as well have hit her. Suddenly, I felt overwhelmingly protective of her, the closest thing to a mother I'd had since my own had left years ago. "Shut up, Charlie! Don't talk to her like that!" I screamed before I could stop myself. This was when I started calling him by his first name. My real dad never spoke to women in that way. I ran from the room, crying, and shut myself upstairs in my room. Soon after, Edward came knocking at the door.

After Edward left my room I counted how long it would be before the car would back up into the road and take off. Two minutes, four seconds. In the end, Esme had one thing in common with Renee. She couldn't leave fast enough either.

I haven't seen Edward since that day. I asked Charlie about him once, a month after I declared myself able to move on. He said, "Who?" and then, "Oh, yeah, Edward. He's fine, Bells. Perfectly fine." It wasn't news to me that grownups could lie, but the fact that Charlie could forget someone he claimed was family only a few months earlier made me feel horrible. Afraid. I didn't ask about Edward again.

I found out what happened though. Esme moved out of the state. I read the letter she'd sent Charlie that he wouldn't let me read but was dumb enough to throw away without shredding. Though she didn't say where she was and I didn't have the envelope, she said she lived in a place where it was "sunny and the atmosphere was bright for her career." Washington isn't sunny.

**OOOO**

"Bella." My eyes snapped open at the sound of my name dripping like syrup over his lips.

"Edward?" I squinted in the dark at his moonlit form, at the piercing brightness of his eyes even in almost no light. I leaned over and flipped on my lamp but when I turned back he wasn't in front of my bed. I looked around wildly. He wasn't even in my room. Oh God, I was going insane; hearing voices-one voice, to be precise-and hallucinating about gorgeous men-again, one man-had to classify as crazy. I needed to stop thinking about him. I groaned and glanced at the alarm clock. Only midnight? After another groan I turned off the lamp and tried to burrow back to sleep, tried to forget about my possible insanity. For the last week, Edward drove me to school, though I didn't trust myself to be responsible in a car with Edward. After that Friday night, my feelings for him had only intensified. He, however, acted like nothing had happened. If it weren't for the softer smirks he gave me and the decreasing amount of sarcastic comments over the last few days, I might have believed I'd dreamed the night in the meadow.

He drove me home after school every day too, but he never spoke about what happened and I was too afraid to start. Then Friday, yesterday, I decided I'd at least say _something_.

"So what kind of music do you listen to?" Oh God, Bella, that's what you can come up with?

Edward seemed to be thinking the same thing because he laughed and if I had a serious staring problem before, it was worse now. When he laughed his whole face lit up and when he looked over at me again his grin was relaxed, sunny, and his bright green eyes were sparkling.

For the rest of the ride we talked about music. "I belonged to a garage band for a while back in California."

I turned to him, surprised. "Really?"

"Yeah. Not a good band, though."

"Not all garage bands are," I agreed, "What instrument did you play?"

"Triangle."

His face remained serious but I giggled anyway. "Triangle?"

The seriousness took on a mock hurt expression. "It was an experimental band."

"Sure, sure." I turned in my seat to face him and tilted my head a little to the side, studying him. "Let me guess: you played keyboards."

He looked at me for a moment and flashed me an amused grin. "How'd you guess?"

"Remembering that at Christmas you wouldn't stop playing that cheap keyboard you got. I still can't listen to anyone play _Chopsticks_."

"Oh, c'mon. We all know you envy my super awesome natural talent."

"Yeah, it takes an absolute prodigy to mess up a song with four notes in it."

He sighed, his eyes distant, as if looking at something very far away. "I really loved that thing, but Mom threw it away after we left. Said it reminded her too much of—" He fell silent. We both did. We both knew how that sentence was going to end. Charlie had bought Edward the keyboard and it reminded Esme of him.

"So what happened to the band?" I cleared my throat in a hurry to change the direction of the subject.

"Split up."

"Why?"

"Because I moved here," he said.

"Oh," I say. "Sorry." I wanted to ask where he's been, about Esme's letter long ago, how he ended up there and then back here, but I could tell mentioning anything related to Charlie wasn't a good idea.

He shrugged. "It's fine. With the internship and school, I don't have time for it anyway."

"Oh." We turned onto my street. I didn't want our conversation to end like this. I didn't want it to end. "So, internship?" I tried to think of the limited jobs he could intern in Forks. I worked at the outdoors equipment store; there were other stores, small shops, cafes, and the grocery store, but I hadn't seen him at any and couldn't imagine he had to or would want to intern at any.

I looked at him and he smiled. I've got an internship with someone at the hospital, Dr. Carlisle.

"Oh, yeah, he's a pretty nice guy." I blushed unwillingly, remembering the multiple times I'd paid him a visit during my clumsier days. I was surprised I hadn't been there for a while. I guess Mike keeps me in line, for the most part. Mike. "Umm, well, I should go. My dad is probably gonna be here soon and he's cranky if dinner's not there," I laughed forcibly.

Suddenly everything, being in the car, the conversation we'd been having, felt awkward. Edward ran his hand through the mess of bronze hair and turned away from me. "Uh, yeah, sure. I'll see you."

I did feel a little hurt that he wouldn't look at me. Without thinking, my hand found its way to his on the steering wheel. "I'll see you in Bio tomorrow." He gave me a sideways glance and finally cracked a smile, turning his hand over so our fingers locked. His hand squeezed mine briefly and then he leaned over.

My heart went into overdrive, though in the back of my mind I knew it shouldn't have. Is he going to kiss me? Oh god, I hope so. No, stop it, Bella!

Luckily, and much to my disappointment, he leaned past me and smirked. "Who's on your porch?"

What?

I shoved his face back playfully, earning a muffled "Ow!" "Oh. It's Angela. I wonder what she's doing here?"

"Go find out. See ya."

I laughed and opened the car door. "See ya."

**Reviews would be as delicious as your name falling from Edward's lips. C'mon, we all know how delicious that would be.**

**Love,**

**PianoAddict246**

**or**

**Emily Grace**


	10. Need

_Suddenly everything, being in the car, the conversation we'd been having, felt awkward. Edward ran his hand through the mess of bronze hair and turned away from me. "Uh, yeah, sure. I'll see you."_

_I did feel a little hurt that he wouldn't look at me. Without thinking, my hand found its way to his on the steering wheel. "I'll see you in Bio tomorrow." He gave me a sideways glance and finally cracked a smile, turning his hand over so our fingers locked. His hand squeezed mine briefly and then he leaned over._

_My heart went into overdrive, though in the back of my mind I knew it shouldn't have. Is he going to kiss me? Oh god, I hope so. No, stop it, Bella!_

_Luckily, and much to my disappointment, he leaned past me and smirked. "Who's on your porch?"_

_What?_

_I shoved his face back playfully, earning a muffled "Ow!" "Oh. It's Angela. I wonder what she's doing here?"_

"_Go find out. See ya."_

_I laughed and opened the car door. "See ya."_

**OOOO**

I'd laughed when I stepped out of his car, but I could feel my heart ready to explode out of my chest. What was Angela doing here? She definitely saw me with Edward, there was no question about it. But did she see how…close he was? Oh God.

"Hey, Angela!" I greeted, immediately noticing and regretting how forcibly cheerful my voice sounded.

Angela stood from where she sat on my front steps. "Hi Bella." She looked past me, smirked and I knew she wanted to know, but didn't make a move to ask. I in turn did not turn to see if Edward's car was gone yet.

I swallowed, and after another awkward silence I gave in. "Okay," I sighed, "what do you want to know?"

She hopped down the few steps and grabbed my shoulders. "First, who was that? Second, why were you in his car?" Her eyes were bright with curiosity, but I didn't see any resentment against me for ditching Mike, so either she didn't know or didn't care. I was reminded again of how much I love Angela and how I could trust her with so much, even though I haven't been doing so lately.

"Okay, I'll tell you, but can we go inside? I'm thirsty." I dragged her into the house and sat her in the kitchen while I grabbed a glass of water.

"Bella, c'mon, I have to know everything!"

I laughed nervously. "So," I started, sitting across from her, "the boy in the car is Edward Cullen."

"Wait. _The_ Edward Cullen? As in, cutie from sixth grade Edward Cullen? He's back?" I nodded and Angela's jaw dropped. "He's…definitely matured." She smiled slyly and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Yeah," I agreed. I took another sip…gulp, of water, for lack of anything to say.

She leaned forward. "So. You like him."

I choked on the water I'd been swallowing, managing to spit all over my jeans. "What!"

Angela threw her head back and laughed loudly, unusual for Angela Weber. "Don't act like it's surprising that I'd know, Bells. You two have been in for it since you met."

Still, I kept up with my poor charade. "I don't know what you're talking about, Ang, he was my stepbrother, for goodness' sake."

"Your very cute, very sweet, very cool stepbrother who is now your very sexy, very mysterious, very cool non-stepbrother."

I shook my head in denial, though I'd already admitted the truth to myself before. "I can't like him anyway, I'm with Mike."

She sighed in mock exasperation, wringing her hands; this subject was very quick to bring out the excited girl side of her. "There's no law of nature that says you can't be attracted to more than one person at a time." She smiled with her statement and didn't let go of my gaze for a moment and then sat back again, a very un-Angela-ish smirk on her lips.

"Fine! Fine, I like him. But so what? He doesn't like me anymore, so it doesn't matter, and I'm dating Mike." No need to mention the fact that Edward had kissed me the other day and I'd realized I didn't want to date Mike anymore.

As if reading my mind, Angela narrowed her eyes knowingly. "He kissed you."

Whoa.

"What? Mike?"

"Oh, stop with the façade, Bella. I know Edward kissed you. You're not good at hiding things, you know."

I pouted for a second but gave up quickly. "Okay. Yes, he kissed me, last week. It was…not like kissing a stepbrother." I smiled at the memory. It was _definitely_ not like kissing a stepbrother. "But I feel so bad, Ang. What am I supposed to do? I like Mike but Edward just jumped back into my life and I really want him to stay in it."

"Well," Angela said thoughtfully, "you'll have to decide quickly who it is you want to be with. You can't drag them both along…"

"I want to be with Edward," I blurted. Damn. I do suck at hiding things.

Angie smiled. "That was quick."

"I'd…I'd decided a while ago."

"You have to break up with Mike." There it was, blunt and beautiful and terrible. Heard from someone else, this—Edward moving back, remembering me, kissing me, making me realize my life was becoming so confusing—was so real.

My gaze fell from her face. "I know, Ang, I know. How…how can I do that to Mike though?"

I knew this would be harder than I thought when I didn't get a response.

**OOOO**

As I lay in bed and stared at the ceiling, I ran through the different scenarios of The Breakup of Forks High history.

First scenario:

Bella—Mike, I don't love you. I can't date you anymore.

Mike—So what time do you need me to pick you up on Saturday?

Bella—No, Mike. We're not going anywhere Saturday. I need to be alone.

Mike—Right.

Bella—Alone. By myself.

Mike—Yeah.

Bella—Without you.

Mike—Awesome.

Okay, not a good scenario. Though Mike wasn't really that dense, he seemed pretty close to oblivious about how I'd been treating him lately, ditching every opportunity to be with him for a mere chance with Edward. This was my mind's idea of mocking my situation.

Bella—Mike, I don't love you. I can't date you anymore.

Mike—What?

Bella—I'm sorry, I just can't lie to both of us.

Mike—Why? Is it someone else?

Bella—Umm…

Mike—Oh my god, it is someone else! **Cue bawling/sobbing**

_Well, this is going well_. But I knew I couldn't avoid it anymore. I can't. I'd end up lying to Mike, sweet loving Mike who had never done anything wrong and had never hurt me. He didn't deserve this. And I'd be lying to myself.

**OOOO**

"Edward, we can't do this," I argued feebly, much too excited to feel his hands on either side of my neck and the rest of his body pressing me up against the passenger door of his Volvo. I looked around nervously, finding only an empty street in front of my house. "What if…if Charlie…Mike."

"Just relax, Bella," he whispered, delicious breath fanning over my hot cheek. "I can take care of you." My eyes slid shut and I felt his lips ghost softly over mine. "Bella, I've missed you."  
"I've missed you, too. Edward…" I started, but his lips were leaving wet kisses up the column of my neck and my body decided to respond without my permission. Edward's hips bucked back against mine in response. I felt the fabric of his shirt rub on the small piece of skin exposed on my stomach where my own shirt had ridden up and I held back a moan.

He chuckled softly. "Yes, Bells?" When did he become so sexy? Was this really the rebellious sixth-grader who'd left me? I'd been asking myself that a lot lately.

"Edward, I think I—"

"Bella?"

Shit. Mike.

"Bella? Are you awake?"

What?

I groaned and turned over, grabbing my alarm clock off my nightstand. "Dad, it's only six in the morning."

"I know, Bella. Just wanted to tell you I have to go to Seattle today on an emergency, so I probably won't be back until after you've gone to bed tonight." He looked a little sheepish and didn't look at me. I glanced down and found my legs tangled in my bed sheets. Luckily no part of my boy shorts peeked out from anywhere. Had I voiced aloud my lust-induced words? _Had I said Edward's name?_

Embarrassed, I sat up straighter and pretended to yawn, readjusting the bed sheets carefully. "Have fun."

Charlie laughed nervously. "Sure will. Sorry to wake you up."

"Eh. As long as I'm awake, might as well get up. See you later then."

As Charlie left I swung my legs over the side of the bed and thought about what I was going to have to do today. I considered going back to sleep and forgetting about the whole thing. Another groan escaped me and I got up to go through my morning routine.

Forty-five minutes later I sat in the living room, flipping through TV channels; any way to distract myself from the things I'd have to face today. I was startled out of my thoughts with a loud knock at the front door. I sighed and wondered if Charlie had forgotten something. It'd be just like him.

I swung the door open and gasped. "Edward, what are you doing here? It's hardly seven o'clock."

"I know," he said casually. "I woke up early today and figured I'd drive over early. Can I come in?"

My mind froze for a second, still getting over his arrival. "Oh, sorry, come in. I was just…watching TV." I pushed him through the hall into the kitchen and he stood against the counter. "So…" I began and was unable to finish.

"So," he mimicked playfully. It was only now that I could take in his appearance, so normal and yet so…tempting: a light grey long-sleeve shirt hugged his torso in a way I found myself becoming quickly jealous of, and emphasized just how bright the color of his eyes and hair were. As I found myself producing excess saliva at the mere sight of a shirt, I refused to let my eyes continue their journey down the rest of him.

I swallowed thickly, realizing I'd have to discuss things with him, and now was my chance. "We have to talk, Edward."

The playful glint in his eyes burned out quickly and was replaced with something else I couldn't recognize clearly. All I knew was it made his flawless face look somehow worried. "Yeah," he answered more quietly. "Look, Bella, I—"

The irritating ring of the house phone interrupted him and I muttered a curse under my breath before excusing myself and picking up the phone. "Hello?"

"Bella?"

My heart stopped for a moment. "Mike. Hey."

"Hey, how are you this morning?" Mike sounded a bit strange but he sounded as happy as he usually seemed to be when he talked to me.

"Fine," I answered, wary of his question this early in the morning. "You?"

"Actually, I'm a little sick today but otherwise I'm okay. I'm just wondering if you could pick up my assignments today? We have most of our classes together, so I was hoping it'd be okay."

"Of course I can do that, it's no problem at all. What's wrong?" I couldn't help the protectiveness I felt over him; after all, he's been my boyfriend for a pretty long time. When we first started dating, though I always felt undeserving of him, I still had the slight possessive instinct to keep him close.

"Just a little stomach flu, I think. I'll be fine."

My eyebrows furrowed in worry. "I hope you feel better, Mike. I'll get your assignments over."

"Thanks, Bells. See you later. Love you."

"Lo—" my words died on my tongue. "Get some rest. Bye, Mike." I hung up the phone and sighed. Well, there went my mission for today. A light cough brought me back to the present situation: Edward in my kitchen, about to tell me something.

I quickly turned to find him staring at me, some kind of desperation and indecision in his eyes. "I'm sorry about that," I said quietly.

"It's okay," he replied, and then remained silent.

After a brief pause, I had to know. "What were you going to say?"

Edward turned away from me and looked out the kitchen window, in a manner that reminded me of a soap opera; if I wasn't so curious about what he'd say I would have laughed.

"Bella, I…" he hesitated again. He cleared his throat and started over. "Bella, I know that Mom and I didn't leave on…the best of terms. And I know we didn't get along all the time and I was about as much of a prick as a twelve-year-old can be sometimes. You have to know that I didn't mean any of it."

"I know," I whispered, sensing this conversation might take an awkward turn. "It's okay. I did the same."

"No, it's not okay." He sighed tiredly and ran a nervous hand through his hair. "I can only apologize. But that's not what I needed to tell you."

I looked up in surprise and found his eyes flickering from me to elsewhere in hesitation. "What is it?" I prompted.

Before I could register what was happening, I felt my fingers tugging at the silky locks of his hair, my lips firmly attached to his, and the edge of the countertop roughly scraping my hip through my shirt. What am I doing? God, does it matter…I told myself to let him go, but my body said differently, pushing back against him with equal force. And just as suddenly as it happened, it stopped. Edward pushed himself away, letting me go and leaning against the counter beside me. An unnecessary yet familiar feeling of rejection washed over me and I looked away from his panting form.

"I'm sorry, Bella, I shouldn't have…I don't…" he continued stumbling through his words and I couldn't help the small smile on my face.

I sighed, absently touching my lips where his mouth had been. "I encouraged it. Don't worry. Are there any words you wanted to share though?"

His hesitation to tell me whatever it was returned and I wondered if it was that important. "Maybe now's not a good time to tell you."

I glanced at the clock: 7:15. We'd have to leave soon if we weren't going to be late. Still, I wanted to hear what he needed to say. "Right now is perfectly fine. Go."

Another sigh fell from his slightly kiss-swollen lips and he turned his face up to the ceiling. "I'm tired of trying to stay away from you."

Unexpected and not-very-familiar heat rushed to the core between my legs at his words. I shouldn't have reacted like that, but coming from Edward, they felt all too welcome. My hand reached out and took his of its own volition while I mentally cursed at it to stop. "So don't." Great, my tongue was betraying me also.

He turned to face me and I almost could have cried at the emotions in his emerald eyes. "I can't let myself do that." He looked at the clock above the sink. "Get your stuff. I'll wait outside." With that he walked quickly and silently down the hall and out the front door.

I stood, confused at his words and at my own. Well, I wanted him physically, that was obvious. I did want him in my life. In a sense, he'd said he wanted to be around me, and I was welcoming it. Why couldn't he let himself be with me? As Igrabbed my bag from next to the door, I thought back through what happened in the last twenty minutes. _Mike._

**All right, readers, I'm back from the Dominican Republic, where my husband took me for our surprise honeymoon. It was magnificent and all I can say is my hubby definitely got some LOL :) I won't bore you with the details. I've been working pretty hard on this chapter, but I'm not very happy with it or the writing or where the plot's going. I wanted to bring in Angela because I like her. I don't know what other characters will be in this story. Ben, probably, and Jessica. Esme will actually come in sometime too. We'll see. I'm also considering an EPOV chapter. I'm a little intimidated by Edward's crowded mind but if I can't fit the answers to the questions Bella has about Edward, I might just have Edward explaing them. So yes, I did know that Edward is a little mysterious and we don't know a whole lot about him right now. **

**I had something I did want to comment on. When I was reading someone's story (time to whore it out: Boy In The Red Sweater by Starryntex, it's really good, go read it! So is Elove) she mentioned something I've thought about for a while. I notice a lot of people favorite my story or put it on alert, but there are only some people who review. I'm not withholding chapters or anything like that, but I would like to say that reviews are really appreciated, and if you're going to favorite or alert this story, I'd like to know why you're doing so. Reviewing can take five seconds, literally. Just saying. ;) But to add, I love all of you faithful readers for sticking by the story and it's great to see that so many people do enjoy reading it, so thanks to all the faves and alerts I received.**

**This is a very long AN and I'll probably stop writing so much, but I just want to whore out some music too :D**

**For this chapter, I got more writing done listening to**

"**Need" by Hana Pestle (if you haven't, look her up on myspace or iTunes. Beautiful voice, and this song is being considered for the New Moon soundtrack, so help her out!)**

"**Love Song Requiem" by Trading Yesterday**

"**Electric Feel" by MGMT**

"**Walking Away" by Kina Grannis (an artist I found on youtube. She's got music on iTunes and youtube, so look her up. She's very talented)**

**Mucho amor!  
**


	11. Confidence

**Sorry for the very late update. Just read. Note at the bottom.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters, as much as I wish I did.**

"I heard we're getting a new student," Jessica said smugly, as if knowing the gossip firsthand was second only to curing cancer. Still, her followers gasped and crowded in to hear the news. Why do I still sit at this table?

As Jessica continued her dramatic whispers about the new student, Angela leaned forward from her seat across me. "So," she said softly, more like her usual self today, "have you spoken to Mike?"

I swallowed thickly. "I really was going to today, after school, but he's sick so I'm going to his house to give him his assignments. Maybe it's not such a good idea to tell him right now."

"But you're going to eventually, right?" She looked at me with her eyebrows raised, sandwich halfway to her mouth. I only looked back, probably looking guiltier than ever. She set her food down on the plastic wrap and took my hands across the table.

"Bella, you can't drag this on. It's not fair to anyone."

I shook my head impatiently. "I know, Angela, you've said this."

She sat back and gazed at me. "Well, I know I have but I'm just reminding you. I mean, I've never been in this position so I guess I won't know from experience, but if you want to be with _him_ badly enough, is it really so hard to do whatever it takes to make that happen?"

"Angela, it's not that easy!" I said a little louder than I should have, earning a few wary glances from others at our table. When they turned away, I continued in a furious whisper. "Mike has never done anything to hurt me and here I go making out with a guy who just drove into town—"

"And swept you off your feet." The way Angela finished the sentence made what I was doing sound much more justifiable, as if it wasn't my fault Edward was so charming and sweet and funny and familiar. And undeniably sexy.

I groaned and let my forehead rest on the table. "Ang, what is wrong with me?"

"Bella, for the last time, things happen. Sometimes they don't go the way you want them to, but you just have to deal with it. Your ex-step-brother happened to move back, and you happened to end up noticing, and you happen to like him, and he happens to like you back. Unfortunately, you happen to be dating Mike and you have to make a hard decision. I can't decide for you, but whatever you do decide, make it quick. It's not fair to either Mike or Edward."

I looked up in shock at her speech. How was she so wise? "Angela Weber, you are so damn sensible. I'm walking a fine line between loving and hating that fact."

She laughed and shook her head. "Whatever, Bella. Just think about what I said. And on the subject, Edward also happens to look very nice in that form-fitting grey sweater." Her head turned in the direction of the cafeteria doors, where Edward, indeed looking very nice, was walking in talking to a girl I'd never seen before. Before I could jump to conclusions, I assessed the situation. I took notice of what this girl looked like. For one, she looked very fashionable; her clothes looked designer and I briefly wondered how in the world she could be wearing designer clothes in a town like Forks. Her hair, short and black, looked spiked at the ends. She also looked about five feet tall, at the most. My overall critique added up to nothing negative because she was absolutely adorable. And so my heart beat a little faster in jealousy.

"Green's not your color, Bella." I looked over at Angela who's hazel eyes were sparkling wickedly, and who's smirk was lately irking me a lot.

"Shut up," was my brilliant response. "I'm not jealous."

"Mmhmm."

I ignored her and she went back to eating her lunch, amused by my following gaze on the pair now sitting at a table not terribly far from where we sat. I bit my lip when he laughed in response to something she'd said with an animated gesture. Even from here, I could make out his rich laughter among the other noises of the crowded room. _She's so pretty. She looks so energetic and peppy and cute. She has a nice smile._ I sighed and decided to look away before another hit to my ego could give me a limp. For the rest of lunch I stared at the cap of my lemonade bottle.

As I walked down the east wing to Biology I was pulled out of my thoughts by a girl's voice calling my name.

"Are you Bella?"

I looked around and came face to face with none other than that girl who'd sat with Edward at lunch. Just my luck. "Um, yeah. Bella."

Stupidly I stuck out my hand but she was already there. "I'm Alice. Alice Brandon. I just moved here from Illinois."

Her smile was so infectious I couldn't help but grin back. "It's nice to meet you, Alice Brandon. But how did you know my name?"

"Oh, Edward told me." Eesh, and there was that good slap in the face to remind me of my place. "I met him in my second class, European History. He's very nice." She continued walking with me down the hallway and I vaguely wondered if she was going to Biology with me. "Not to mention gorgeous," she gushed heavily.

I tried to smile but it probably came out like a grimace. Before I could try to break off our conversation now and avoid any tears, she continued. "He never stopped talking about you though."

"What? Really?" I asked trying not to sound too eager.

I caught her smirk before she changed her expression to dramatic disappointment. " 'My good friend Bella this,' 'my good friend Bella' that. Yeah, sure. Good friend. He's totally in love with you."

"You think so?" I'd arrived in front of my classroom but waited outside, hanging onto every word she spilled.

"Totally. I mean, he didn't say anything specifically about being in love with you, but I've got a good eye for the matchmaking business, and I'm sure if you said jump, he'd ask how high."

I laughed a little, and then sighed. "Well, I have a feeling he likes me too. But he's made it clear he can't be with me."

Alice snorted. "Can't be with you? I'll take care of this."

"Alice, please don't tell him I said anything! He'll hate me and I don't need anything else to push us further apart."

"Don't worry, I won't say anything. But I'll help you out, subtly, of course." She winked and turned into the classroom across from mine. I chuckled sourly. I was pretty positive that this energetic pretty Alice and the idea of subtlety were not a match, but I couldn't do much now.

I walked into Bio just as the bell rang and, ignoring Mr. Banner's warning glare, I let my usual smile slip onto my lips at the sight of Edward in the back.

"Hey," I greeted softly as I sat beside him.

"Hello, Bella," he responded. His tone and his expression seemed a little off, and I imagined it had to do with the incident this morning. I'd have to talk to him about that. And it wasn't going to help matters when I had to ask him to drop me off at Mike's after school.

"I think we should talk," I whispered. I saw him nod from the corner of my eye and decided to write my next words.

I was wondering if you'd drop me off at Mike's after school. I need to give him his assignments.

Though I tried not to notice, my body seemed to have atuned itself to his because I felt rather than saw him tense up.

Sure. How long are you staying? I agree. I need to talk to you as soon as possible. I'm sorry about this morning.

I looked over at his tense form. I nudged him with my elbow and gave him a smile before responding. I don't have to stay long. Are you okay?

At my concern, he smirked, almost sarcastically, and winked. Well, I guess I'd just have to wait till I could ask him.

School couldn't end fast enough. "Hey," I breathed as I approached Edward. He was leaning against the library wall with his arms crossed over his chest, looking like something straight from a 80's teen movie. Only much hotter, I added in my head.

He looked over and smiled genuinely before that same awkward forced smile from earlier took over. "Hey, ready?"

I nodded and followed him to his car, absently looking around to make sure no particular person was looking in our direction. I may not love Mike anymore, but I wasn't quite ready to destroy my reputation with false accusations of cheating. Or not so false…

After directing Edward to Mike's house, we soon pulled up in front and I pulled the assignments from my bag. "Wait here, okay?" He nodded stiffly, appearing to be in pain more than anything. I really wanted to know what his deal was.

"Hey," I said sternly. As I'd hoped, he turned to look at me, probably surprised at my firmness. I reached over and tweaked his nose lightly. "Don't worry, be happy."

At my sing-song, he laughed, really laughed, and shoved my shoulder towards the door. "Go on, get out."

"Fine, Mr. Bossy," I said jokingly. Five minutes later, I found myself opening the door to Mike's room. My eyes immediately rested on his form, lying in the center of his bed. His face was very pallid, contrasted so starkly from his usual boyish rosy-cheeked self. Poor Mike. He really is sick. His eyes were closed, his mouth in a slight frown. Maybe he was asleep? I quickly and quietly set his papers on his desk and watched him for a second. The guilt was settling in heavily and I almost felt sick myself. How could I go and kiss some stranger when I had Mike? Who had never done anything to hurt me, who was so innocent and blissfully unaware of what a cheating lying so-called girlfriend I was? Before I could beat myself up too bad, I pulled myself together and whispered a goodbye before slipping out of his room and back down the stairs.

"Was he awake?" I turned to Mrs. Newton who was sitting in the living room as I passed.

"No, he was asleep. He looks really sick. Tell him to get better, Mrs. Newton." I added with over-eagerness.

She nodded. "Of course, honey, I will. Say hi to your father for me." She smiled and I smiled back.

"What's wrong?" Edward picked up on my mood immediately, and I wondered whether I hated or loved that he could do that so well.

"Nothing too important." I said it with such poor conviction it was no wonder he pressed me for more. But I was getting annoyed with all of this, with him, and with Mike, and with myself and my cheating ways. "Well, Edward, it's not much. Just that you moved back, and that I've realized some things about myself that I wish I hadn't, and that I can't come to terms with the feeling that Mike is like my brother, and that you had to come and be all great and funny and…" I cut myself off before I could embarrass myself further.

He didn't say anything as he drove. It took me too long to realize we were not driving to my house. "Where are we going?"

"To my house." He smiled a little as he turned off onto a little path, hardly big enough for the tiny Volvo.

I would finally get to see his house? Not that I'd given it much thought before, but now the prospect of seeing where he lived, seeing more into his life that he seemed to keep so quiet about now, it almost made me…giddy.

Soon a big white house loomed towards us. It was a very plain house but in a way it was prettier than others in town. "It's pretty," I said softly.

He parked the car directly in front of the house, which made me notice he didn't have a driveway; there was just a concrete path around the house, but the rest of the land around it was dirt. "Thanks. Come on." We climbed out of the car and he dragged me up the stairs to the door and stopped. "Is it okay if we go up to my room?" His expression was sheepish, as if embarrassed he almost forgot to ask. He was just too adorable for words.

I nodded with a grin. As much as I didn't want to admit it, there was nothing more that I wanted to do than go up to his room. Edward pushed open the door and pulled me through. I gasped at how…enormous his house was. It had so much space. "Big," I concluded like an idiot.

"Yeah, Mom's decision." Esme.

"Hey," I said softly. He turned, still smiling. "How's Esme?"

His smile faltered a little, but not too much. "She's good. She's doing really good."

"Well," I corrected before I could stop myself. He looked confused. "She's doing well. Sorry, I had to do it."

"Well, I'm sorry, Ms. English Major." He laughed and continued to pull me up the stairs. We walked down a long dark hallway. I noticed all the doors on either side of me were closed. At the very end, we stopped. "Are you ready for this, Ms. Swan?"

I chuckled and shoved him playfully. "What, do you have a bunch of sexual torturing devices I need to brace myself for?" I blushed at my boldness but he didn't seem to notice.

"Oh, absolutely. How'd you guess?" He opened the door and I was hit with brightness. His room was very big, not unlike the other rooms of the house I'd seen. It was cluttered but organized in a very un-guy-like fashion. What amazed me the most were the western and southern walls. They were windows.

I walked towards the western window and looked out at the sun. "Your room is freaking amazing, Cullen."

Edward laughed. "I know. I picked it for a reason." I turned around and saw him sitting on the edge of his bed. He was still grinning from his previous laugh and patted the bed next to him.

Suddenly I felt nervous. There was something oddly…sensual about being invited into this room, and being invited to sit on that bed. Maybe it was how I'd feel if Mike had done it, or maybe it was just how Edward's skin seemed to glow or something with the sunlight in his room. please don't trip or do something ridiculous and embarrassing, I chanted to myself as I slowly made my way to sit next to him.

"We need to talk, Bella." Of course that wasn't a sexual invitation, idiot, calm down. I nodded and kicked off my shoes, settling myself in the center of the bed, cross-legged. He followed and sat across me.

"Talk," I said, because I knew he needed it.

with a deep breath that he held for a moment he began. "I love you."

My eyes snapped up to look directly at his. They were somewhat pleading but I could see the relief behind that. "Edward…"

"No, Bella, listen. When I left, it was the hardest thing I've ever done. I have no idea what compelled my mother to move back here, and somehow it was almost as hard to come back and be forced to see you everyday with someone who was making you happy. If I'd stayed, I could have been that person. I'm a jealous bastard, Bella," he laughed humourlessly at this. "The first time you tried to talk to me, I acted like a prick. I was jealous, okay? I'm not used to that feeling and I'm sorry. And I thought I could keep you at arm's length because you were doing fine and I wish I wasn't the one to ruin the life you had without me. Basically, I found out I have no willpower or self-control when I'm with you and it doesn't help that you're funny, and selfless, and really intelligent, and pretty…"

I covered his mouth with my hand. "Shut up now, Cullen." I felt something hot against my palm and realized he'd licked my hand. "Gross, Edward!" Unwilling to admit I enjoyed that more than I should have, I wiped my hand on his face, making him laugh. I grimaced. "Immaturity aside," I gave him a pointed look, "let me tell you my side of things."

He waited, ramrod straight, one of the rolled up sleeves of his sweater slipping down his arm. So I continued. "Edward, as much as you did come back into my life and shake it up, I don't think you really ruined it. I mean, I'm confused as hell all the time now, but if you left again…well, I'm not sure how that'd go. As for me being selfless, well, you have no idea how selfish I really am. Now for the crappy part of my speech, I do have a boyfriend, Edward. Every time I've kissed you, ditched him to go somewhere with you, that's a time I've cheated on him. Mike is a good guy and he's never hurt me and I can't help but feel guilty for doing what I'm doing." Edward's face had fallen from the earlier humour, and he was looking out his window but I could tell he was listening. "Edward, can you look at me, please?" Slowly he turned back to face me, and his eyes were so pained I could almost cry. "I feel guilty for leading Mike on, but I don't regret anything we've done."

"Leading Mike on?" he spoke up, confused. Clarity lit up his green eyes but he waited for me to say it.

"I'm going to break up with Mike." When he didn't say anything I looked up. To say he looked delighted at my words was an understatement. He looked positively ecstatic. "I…I love you, too, Edward. Like, a lot."

He laughed at that, and just as quickly as the tone of our words had changed, so had the atmosphere, and the lighting in the room. The sun was lower in the sky and for a distracted moment I wondered how long I'd been sitting here. That was soon of no matter. That glorious sunlight shone auburn in the unruly locks of his hair and his usually bright eyes smoldered like blazing vert fire. I'd known there was sexual tension between us, and right then, it was so thick I could hardly see.

I breathed his name as he said mine and suddenly I was lying flat on my back with Edward's magnificent weight—almost—pressing into me. The lips that had once kissed me with such gentility now took my own mouth with an excited roughness that had my heart racing at a horse gallop. Though his kiss was less restrained, I could feel his hands twitching to do something besides gripping my waist for dear life. In a moment of distraction, I found it endearing. Soon, however, I could have cared less for endearing, because I was sexually frustrated, a fact that the man on top of me made me fully aware of a few weeks ago. "Edward, you can move your hands, you know," I gasped as my collarbone fell under the attack of his mouth. Like those were magic words, his hands were all over me, and yet not touching any place nearly long enough. My own hands wandered up and down his torso and even under the offending sweater—sexy as it was—I could feel a solid body. I'd never been so turned on in my life, or so eager to have someone's clothes off.. "Edward," I panted, pulling on the hem of his shirt, "your shirt has to come off." His lips, kissing under my jaw, pulled up into a smile.

"Patience is a virtue, Isabella," he laughed. He sat up, giving me room to breathe, and a very lovely view as he pulled up his shirt and off, dropping it next to the bed. He wasn't full of disgustingly huge muscles; he was lean, but toned. I openly stared at the abdominal muscles, defined just enough, and the light trail of hair below that disappeared into his jeans. "Like what you see?"

I looked up like a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar. "I do." I sat up and placed my hands on his chest. Without warning I was overcome with an urge to lick his skin, which was very slightly glistening with a minimal sheen of sweat. So I did. _What's become of you, Bella? He's corrupted you._ I mentally shrugged. _I think if I'd been properly provoked I would have done this sooner. _Edward's soft moan interrupted my misplaced thoughts and I complied with his request, lifting my arms over my head so he could pull my own shirt off and throw it with his. Before I could blush he'd pushed me back down to the mattress and crushed my lips with his with bruising force. It should have hurt and it didn't. Noises that would normally embarrass me escaped my lips, and I didn't care; if it would get Edward to make more of his own sounds I'd do this forever. "Edward," I moaned loudly, gripping his hair with both hands. He cupped my left breast with one hand and snaked his other arm to my backside. _Why did I choose today of all days to wear a very non-sexy white lace bra and it's matching boyshorts counterpart?_ But the way Edward was groping me and the way his lips probably leaving a mark below my ear, told me he probably disagreed about how I looked in my plain underwear. Another groan left me and my legs involuntarily fell open. Oh, wow.

Edward's lower body fell between my open legs and it became obvious to me how excited he was with our situation. For some reason, I almost looked at this clinically. I knew what an erection was, but I always thought it would be kind of weird to see one, or like in this case, feel one. Now, I wanted nothing more than just that. Edward continued his ministrations, and, very subtly, began to brush his hips against mine. Edward Cullen is dry-humping me! The rush of heat that ignited in my lower belly at his actions was almost indescribable. My fingers fumbled with the button on his jeans but I finally could work on my own. "Bella," he groaned softly and returned back to my parted lips. The hand that had been so lovingly groping my breast slid into my jeans and touched me where I needed it most.

"Edward!" My back arched, pressing my hips into his. Desperately, I tried to push his jeans down but I think I was making it difficult for myself, squirming against him at the same time.

"Bella, if we're going to stop, stop me now," he said, his voice cracking on 'now.' It was kind of cute, that I could break down his barriers like that. He acted so collected and he was still so young. Wait.

"Edward, wait, wait," I mumbled against his lips.

I felt him sigh. "I was kind of wishing you wouldn't stop me, but okay." I giggled at his appearance as he pushed himself up to kneel in front of me. His hair was more disheveled than usual, and his lips were swollen and red. I imagined I looked about the same.

"Edward," I sighed, "we can't have sex. Yet," I added at his disappointed look. "First of all, I'm still technically attached to Mike. Second, I'm not on the pill. Do you have condoms?"

His sheepish expression told me I was right. "Well," he replied, "talk about a moodkiller. For future information, bringing up another guy while doing the dirty is not a turn on."

I laughed at his choice of words. "I'm not sure I've killed the mood quite yet," I chimed, glancing at his still-excited area.

"It's hard to get rid of it when I've got a sexy woman lying in front of me." I blushed, as habitual.

"Well…we could help each other out, I think." Where did this boldness come from? I ignored the voice in my head telling me no. All I knew was that with Edward sitting above me with almost-sex hair, his jeans at his thighs, and an appealing erection threatening to poke through…are those silk boxers?… I needed something.

He smiled, almost in relief that I didn't completely destroy the moment and lay back over me in the same position before my interruption. I could feel his hardness through his boxers and my jeans and the arousal returned. I needed friction. "Edward, do something, please," I almost begged. The frustration was killing me. It was crazy how this one guy could work me up in less than thirty seconds.

He sat back up and before I could protest he'd pulled my jeans off and tossed them somewhere. "Edward," I tried to complain, "I said no sex."

"It's not sex," he said, pulling his own jeans the rest of the way off, as if I was an idiot for not seeing what he meant. Which apparently I was. He settled his legs between mine and hitched one of my legs around his waist. His erection was directly on the heat of my core and we both groaned at the contact. Once again, he said my name, and the way he said it had me wriggling for some movement.

As I wished, Edward began rocking his hips against mine. The friction was lovely and frustrating at the same time. I lifted my other leg around his waist and held my arms tightly around his neck. "Edward," was the only coherent thing I could say as the tension from earlier tightened beautifully in my stomach. At the same time Edward slipped his hands down my back and grabbed my bottom, pulling me harder against his crotch. Oh, this is heaven.

He moved faster and I urged him on unashamed. We were so close, to what I wasn't sure but I knew it was there, and between moans of my name he was grunting like a caveman. I almost smiled at that.

"Bella." That time was a growl and it was definitely sexy. I didn't know he could growl.

"Edward?"

That was not my voice.

Edward stopped moving. "Mom?"

"Esme?"

"Bella?"

"_Mom!_"

"I'm sorry, I'll come back later." The door shut and in a heartbeat Edward was sitting on the other side of the bed from me.

"Oh, God," I squeaked. "Oh, God, oh my God, Edward, I'm sorry." In a flash I was putting my clothes back on and I looked over to notice Edward doing the same.

"No, Bella, it's not your fault." He glared at the closed door. "She's not supposed to come barging in like that no matter what day it is."

"Or what noises are coming out of the bedroom." I smiled at my quip and he smiled back, the anger slowly sliding from his face. Now he just looked defeated.

"Talk about killing the mood." He sighed, fully dressed. "Well, I guess you can come say hi to Mom."

_Great._

**So? That was my first time writing real smut in a while. How'd it go? I admit I enjoyed it more than I should. Don't worry, they'll finish business soon. I just had to be mean and bring in Mom.**

**  
I used to have a plot for this story, but now it's getting a little messy, hence how long it's taking me to update. I think the story is gonna be shorter than I wish it would end up, but I don't think I ever intended this to be super long anyway. I'm starting school back up soon and I'm not gonna be able to update as efficiently. **

**I'm so thankful to all those reviews. I've gotten so many and it's what really pushed me to write something. A few of the reviews made me laugh; a couple of people review every chapter; one person even looked me up through someone else because they forgot to save the story. You all are great and I'm so glad to have avid readers.**

**Good songs to listen to:**

**Confidence--Teddy Geiger (I rediscovered him and his gorgeous voice) **

**Drops of Jupiter--Train**

**Skyline--Mae**

**Again, reviews are totally amazing and I'd love to hear your thoughts.**

**Love, Emmy**_  
_


	12. AN SORRY!

I have to deeply apologize for not updating and being on track. My life is a mess of good and bad right now and it's been a very long time since I was on this site. I have not abandoned my story. I'm currently writing the next chapter. I can't say when it will be posted but I'm trying my hardest to have it out by the end of this month. Studying music in your last year of college is a bitch and leaves little time for much else. My husband is laughing at my FF withdrawal. :P

I get the notices of favorites and alerts and story alerts and reviews. I haven't responded to any but know that I read them and love every one of them! I also noticed that though I haven't been on very much at all, I have a new reader every day. I would like to know who is pimping out my story because I appreciate it very much :) All my readers are awesome. Thanks for sticking to my story.

Sorry that this had to be an AN but I felt the need to tell you now rather than start losing my readers (I probably have lost some). I will update as soon as I can.

Love you all and thanks for your support!

Emilie Grace

PS I have no idea how to post or put a link on my profile to a banner I made out of boredom for this story. If you know how, please let me know :)


	13. Electric Feel

_He moved faster and I urged him on unashamed. We were so close, to what I wasn't sure but I knew it was there, and between moans of my name he was grunting like a caveman. I almost smiled at that._

"_Bella." That time was a growl and it was definitely sexy. I didn't know he could growl._

"_Edward?"_

_That was not my voice._

_Edward stopped moving. "Mom?"_

"_Esme?"_

"_Bella?"_

"_Mom!"_

"_I'm sorry, I'll come back later." The door shut and in a heartbeat Edward was sitting on the other side of the bed from me._

"_Oh, God," I squeaked. "Oh, God, oh my God, Edward, I'm sorry." In a flash I was putting my clothes back on and I looked over to notice Edward doing the same._

_"No, Bella, it's not your fault." He glared at the closed door. "She's not supposed to come barging in like that no matter what day it is."_

"_Or what noises are coming out of the bedroom." I smiled at my quip and he smiled back, the anger slowly sliding from his face. Now he just looked defeated. _

"_Well," he sighed, fully dressed. "I guess you can come say hi to Mom."_

_Great._

_OOOO_

The blush never left my face as I walked out after Edward into the hallway outside his room. How could I face Esme when the last time she'd seen me I was a stubborn crying eleven-year-old?

"Bella?" Edward's voice made me look up. I'm sure the look on my face was pathetic. "Bella, it's okay. Everything's gonna be fine."

"Edward, how can you say that?" I protested. "The first time your mother sees me in years and I'm almost naked having sex with her son."

"Not sex," he interrupted. "Besides, I know about the birds and the bees and she trusts me. Now it's your turn."

That bottom lip pout probably didn't help me at all, but I finally gave in and pushed past him toward the stairs.

The panic was there, waiting to erupt suddenly and embarrass me further. I could only hope it would hold off. There she was, in the kitchen, flustered and attempting to look busy moving glass plates from one cabinet to another. I was about to step in when I noticed Edward hanging back, forgetting about the encouragement he gave me not two minutes ago. "Hey," I whispered furiously and pulled on his arm until I could shove him into the kitchen.

"Mom." Edward's voice sounded strangled and he cleared his throat awkwardly.

Esme jumped, almost dropping a plate and catching it before it hit the counter. "Edward, hey, sorry about earlier…"

"Mom, you remember Bella." He gave me a sweet smile and brought me forward. Cue tomato face.

"Yes, I do," Esme smiled, a blush on her cheeks. "How have you been, Bella?"

"Fine, Esme." A silence followed in which no one moved, only looked at each other for something to talk about.

"You should stay for dinner, Bella," Esme exclaimed, and suddenly she was moving about the kitchen pulling things out of drawers and pantries.

"Oh, no, it's okay," I tried to protest; another awkward scene is not what any of us needed.

"I insist, you will stay for dinner. How does pasta sound?" Her smile was so genuine I couldn't say no. So I nodded. "Good, it will be ready in about a half hour. Edward, if you haven't shown Bella the house this is a good time to do it."

I was surprised at her quick dismissal of her son, whom she had just seen having sex—not sex—with a girl a mere few weeks after he arrived in town. I looked at Edward; he seemed just as shocked. He quickly recovered and grabbed my arm, pulling me towards a door across the kitchen.

"Bella?"

I turned and Edward stopped. "Yeah, Esme?"

There was a weary sadness in her eyes that made me want to walk over and hug her. "How…" she hesitated. "How is Charlie?"

I felt my shoulders tense at the mention of my father. "He's doing okay."

Esme nodded and turned back to her cooking, so Edward and I left.

The door led to the back yard. He continued to pull me, west towards the woods.

"Cullen, I have had it with woods, we are done with woods, I am not crawling…"

He stopped suddenly and we were standing in front of a creek, small but still moving with all the force a creek could have. Edward's hand covered my mouth and I considered the lick trick again before he removed it. "I'm not gonna make you crawl back through the woods. God knows that was painful enough to watch once." He ignored my playful glare and sat on the ground, already taking his shoes off.

"What are you doing?" I asked, knowing and asking anyway.

"What does it look like I'm doing, Swan? Sit down." He stretched his legs out and let his feet dangle over the edge of the small cliff-like structure of the ground, his heels barely skimming the surface of the softly trickling water.

I eyed the ground warily. I was probably still flushed from our earlier activities and probably smelled like sex—almost sex—and I wasn't sure that dirt on my clothes would help when Charlie questioned me later. Edward's hand pulling on my back jean pocket until the edge of my underwear began to show made the decision for me. It probably wouldn't do well if I stood with my pants dragged to my knees in plain view of the house from which Esme was most likely watching. Never mind that she walked in on us earlier while we were in almost nothing. With a huff I sat beside him, looking away from the I-always-get-my-way smirk on his face and looking at the water. The outside lights came on, strengthening my theory that Esme really was watching. The lights reached far enough to reflect in the moving water. The atmosphere was serene, something that had been rather difficult to come by around Edward. It seemed every time we were together it was tense or rushed.

"If you could only see in black and white, except for one color, what color would you want to see?"

The question came suddenly and my answer even embarrassingly faster. "Green." I blushed immediately at the reason I had said that color, grateful it was dark enough Edward couldn't see. The fact that after a few weeks my brain had attuned itself to being around Edward was scary, and that I would make such an important decision so quickly on the basis that he would be around for me to see the gorgeous green of his eyes was beyond me.

"Why green?"

I looked up at him and saw he wasn't teasing. He looked like he honestly wanted to know. As if he couldn't figure my obvious antics out by now. "Green…green is the color of trees, grass, clovers, olives…"

"Olives?" he interrupted. Ignoring my glare he continued the interruption. "It's also the color of money and the color of weed and…"

"What?" I interrupted this time. "Why, Edward Cullen, is there something you want to tell me about your stashes?"

He glanced sideways at me and smiled. "I may have tried it before."

"What? I wasn't serious. You've tried pot?"  
His hands raised in defense. "Hey, it was California. Besides, I tried it a couple of times, found it wasn't for me, and stopped, moved on."

He looked a little ashamed, but somehow in my sick sad mind I found him even more attractive after his admission. Maybe not that he could have potentially become one of the potheads I see at school (not that there's anything wrong with them, they're hilarious and provide great distractions in class), but that he was open to trying everything and could still be moral in his decisions.

"_Anyway_, I like green. It's the color of life. Why the question?" I asked.

He looked down at his feet on the water as he answered. "I was thinking about how nothing is really in black and white and sometimes I wished it was."

The confusion must have been apparent on my face because he sighed but didn't continue. Instead of pressing the matter, I found his hand in the darkness and squeezed it softly.

"Dinner is ready!" Esme called out the door and Edward seemed to snap out of his faraway thoughts. He stood, grabbing his shoes on the way up. I followed and grabbed his arm. He turned and I searched his face for something though I wasn't sure what. But he gave me a smirk and my worry was gone because how could I worry when his half-smiles are making my heart work twice as fast? I smiled back, feeling my legs turn to jelly, and leaned against his side as we walked back to the house.

Esme kept the subject of Charlie away from dinner and I couldn't be more thankful. To say it didn't end well between them would be an understatement. I knew Edward resented my father for some things, and Esme always had him on his side, but Esme knew that there were things I resented about my father as well. I just didn't want to show it. After all, Charlie was my father.

"Thanks for dinner, Esme, it's great," I expressed honestly. She'd always been a good cook, making even a simple spaghetti dinner into a gourmet Italian meal.

"Oh, it's not a problem, dear," she smiled, waving away my thanks, "You are welcome for dinner anytime."

A silence fell over the table so I decided this was the best moment to excuse myself and go home. Charlie the cop was probably out searching for me by now, seeing as how I'd been a horrible daughter and forgotten to call him. "Well, I should get going. Charlie's probably needing help with his own dinner. Hopefully he hasn't burned the kitchen down." Everyone laughed lightly and stood.

"Again, thanks, Esme," I said, hugging her briefly. She still smelled the same, of comfort and cooking and mother. I stepped back and looked at Edward who was smiling, something in his eyes I couldn't pinpoint.

"I'm giving her a ride home," he said to Esme, "Come on, Bella."

I waved to Esme and followed him out the front door. I smiled when he opened the passenger door and closed it once I was inside. I wasn't sure I'd get over his gentlemanliness. I giggled as I thought the word. The ride home was filled with a light banter over music as I kept changing the radio to the local pop station.

"Edward, please let me listen to this song!"

He snorted. "This is not a song, this is shit put to a beat."

"Irregardless, I like it." I pouted.

He smiled and stubbornly gave in, changing the station to what I wanted. " 'Irregardless' isn't a word, but I can't ignore that face. I'll let you poison Baby with this crap for a minute."

I ignored the fact that he named his car and that irregardless is as much of a word as ginormous is, and sang along with the words to Tik Tok by Ke$ha. In general pop was crap, as Edward had argued, but there were some songs I just couldn't help but find catchy in the brief moments I'd pass the stations they played on. I started to gesture with the words and make all the right facial expressions, making Edward laugh and also making me continue, just as long as I could hear that sound coming from him.

By the song's end I was laughing so hard my sides ached and Edward began to snort, which in turn made me laugh harder. "Shut up," he choked out over his laughter, playfully shoving me. He pulled into my driveway behind Charlie's cruiser and parked. "I can't believe you actually know that song. I don't know whether you should be embarrassed or if I should be."

"Hey," I retorted, "You liked it, Mr. I-Snort-When-I-Find-Something-Funny." I realized that was really lame before he told me, but he told me anyway.

"That wasn't even good, Swan." He sighed shakily. "I'll walk you to your door."

He stepped out and came around to open my door, taking my hand as I jumped out. As he said, he walked me up the porch steps.

"Well—"

"So—"

We both began and laughed nervously. I wondered why it suddenly felt awkward. I stared up into his face and my heart beat faster at how attractive he was. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow?" It came out as a question and I realized I was worried he wouldn't show up like he had done a few weeks ago.

"Yeah," he confirmed quietly. "Bella?"

"Yes, Edward?" Did he sound nervous just then?

He searched my eyes for something and stepped forward, closing the awkward gap between us. His hands took hold of my face and I let myself lean into his warm touch. "Can I…"

From the way his eyes glanced at my slightly open lips, I knew what he'd ask. Instead of answering I finished closing the space.

As fate would have it, before my lips could touch his, the door clicked and out came Charlie. Shock wouldn't cover the look on his face.

Effectively 'cockblocked' Edward jumped away from me and I blushed furiously. "Dad! What are you doing here?"

He gave me a strange look. "What do you mean? This is my house. What were you not doing in it?" He cast an annoyed glance at Edward who had shoved his hands in his jeans pockets and rocked back and forth on his heels, looking away.

"I was eating dinner at Edward's, I'm sorry I didn't call," I offered, cringing in anticipation for the lecture I'd surely receive, embarrassingly in front of Edward. It didn't come, but instead a look of recognition touched Charlie's eyes and immediately his demeanor changed, became more hesitant. He had forgotten who Edward was, again, and now that he recognized him as Esme's son, he backed off. He may not have wanted boys coming after his daughter, but Edward was different, to me and to him.

So he gruffly excused himself. "It's fine, just try calling your old dad when you decide to go somewhere, okay?" I nodded. "Good night, son." And he stepped inside and closed the door.

It was Edward and I, alone again. I looked at him, trying to decipher the look on his face, but couldn't. "I'm sorry, Edward, it's just that Dad's awkward and—"

"Did you mean what you said earlier?"

I thought for a moment before realizing what he was talking about. "Edward, I meant it." And looking at him from where I was, disheveled hair every which way and wide eyed, and somehow not overwhelmed by the lust I'd had for him earlier, I knew I loved him. How could I not?

"So you'll…" he swallowed, "break up…with him?"

My stomach dropped and I felt guilty that it did. It should be easy and I knew it wouldn't be. But I had to. For Edward. I knew I wasn't doing anyone any good in letting this whole thing go on. "Yes. I will."

But two weeks later I hadn't done it and every day I had to look Edward in the face and admit my cowardice. I hated the look of disappointment on his face. It pained me to see him still have faith in me even as I failed him. But I deserved to be tortured by that look. It was the least I could bear compared to what I was putting him through.

Mike didn't notice any change in the way I acted around him, making this more difficult than I wanted it to be. Even as I purposefully became more and more stoic around him, he continued to extend his invitations to dinner with his family. I took one look at his adorable face and hopeful expression and I'd be spewing out a lie before I could realize what I was saying. And so my guilt continued to build in my stomach, leaving no room for food.

"You're not eating much, Bells," Mike said one lunch period.

I merely shook my head at his offer of his pizza and looked down at the table. "Not really hungry. Had a big breakfast, you know." I looked up just as Edward was sitting down with Alice Brandon at a table across the room. It seemed she had met yet another guy, one who sat very closely next to her with his hand resting lightly on her back. Out of curiosity I leaned a little to my right and saw that it was Jasper Whitlock, a quiet intelligent boy in my history class. He was always very nice to me. If he were more involved in the popular crowd activities (sports and partying) girls would fawn over him, I was sure. He was good-looking in his shy way. It was nice that he'd found Alice, even though she seemed his opposite. The three seemed to be enjoying each other's company.

My thoughts were interrupted when Jessica Stanley leaned over and whispered in mock conspiration. "You're trying to lose a little for prom, aren't you? I know some people have to try harder than others to be thin. It's okay, Bella, you'll get there."

I rolled my eyes and leaned over to Angela, who sat eating her sandwich quietly. "One more word out of Jessica Skank-ley…"

She giggled loudly, attracting the attention of some people around us, and blushed. "So who are you going to prom with, do you think?" she whispered back once everyone had returned to minding their own business.

"Oh, I don't know. I'm not even sure I want to go to prom," I said trying to be nonchalant. It wasn't working but Angela didn't call me out on it. She did, however, give me a meaningful look and a glance at Mike. Yep, that guilt was starting to pile up.

Edward took to touching me subtly (and not so subtly as he grabbed my bottom once) as he passed me in class or in the hallways. Sometimes if I made an escape for 'the bathroom' during an extremely boring history lesson I saw him meandering down in my direction and before I could process it he pressed me against a locker in true 80s teen movie fashion and kissed me very softly. I worried Mike might happen to turn around the corner and see but the idea excited me in a twisted way. Edward would be my corruption, I decided. I'd always leave him with a playful swat on the arm, telling him to restrain himself.

Friday afternoon, two weeks since my almost-sex with Edward, I sat next to him in Biology, keeping up the lighthearted banter.

"I wish you'd just stop being so stubborn. Shakespeare's Caesar is totally different than the real guy," Edward argued.

"Well, I wish you'd stop being so stubborn and listen to me when I say it isn't. I mean, how different can you portray Caesar? He was still a proud and arrogant guy and always thought he was right," I retaliated.

"I'm not saying he wasn't, I'm just saying he wasn't as insensitive as Shakespeare makes him look. I mean, he honestly and genuinely thought he was right all the time," he explained, "He didn't know what wrong was. If Caesar thought it, it must have been right. Like for him he is not part of any equation, meaning the people. X does not equal Caesar, _Caesar _equals Caesar."

I laughed at his explanation and ignored his serious expression as class started. "Whatever you say, Eddie."

He gave me a teasing glare and ruffled my hair. I glared back but unlike him I meant it. His outward displays of affection towards me were not going to hold in Mike's presence. Though it shouldn't matter since you're breaking up with him, said a voice in my head.

I tried to ignore that voice. I have a reputation to protect. Just because I don't love Mike doesn't mean I have to ruin my social life.

That is exactly why you will ruin your social life.

Ten minutes into the class period Mike left for a dental appointment. I had planned for Edward to come to my house after school while Charlie stayed the weekend in Seattle for some police force conference or something and Mike wouldn't be here at the end of class to invite me over. With my worry gone sooner than I expected there were ten minutes before the ending bell and everyone, excited for the weekend, kept glancing up at the clock, counting down.

Mr. Banner sighed and waved his arm towards the door tiredly. "Go, go, have a safe weekend."

Our classmates quickly filed out and Edward and I followed out at our own pace. "Walk me to my car?" I asked. I received a smile in response.

For once, the sun was out in Forks and the warmth of the rays felt divine on my bare arms after the last three hundred overcast chilly days. "What do you want to do later?" Edward asked, opening my door and throwing my bag across the seat.

"I'm not sure. We can figure it out when you come over." I looked up and suddenly he was blocking the sun and looking down into my face. The inevitable blush graced my face and I tried to look away from his intense green eyes. He turned my face gently back to his and kissed me so softly I wasn't sure the kiss was real.

"When should I come over?" His breath tasted like spearmint gum and I couldn't focus and

"Bella?"

My heart stopped.

**I fail at this. Hopefully it helped that this chapter was over 3,500 words. I think it may be my longest chapter. I have overcome my writer's block and my biggest school obstacles. I hope I will be able to update quicker now that I know what I want to do. Thank you to all the reviews (even if I don't reply I have read and appreciate every one of them ) and favorites and alerts. You guys are all amazing.**

**I'd like to hear your thoughts. Where do you think the story will go? Or do you have suggestions? I still have some in mind from previous reviews, so you never know, you may see your suggestion mentioned somewhere... ;) If you wish to share thoughts or **

**Oh, the Caesar conversation was an actual conversation between two of my friends in our Latin class. Remembered it and thought I'd insert the reference here, seeing as how this past Monday was ****(roughly) ****the 2054th anniversary of Caesar's assassination. Little trivia for you :)**

**~E.G.**

** your piano addict.**


	14. AN

Hey guys! I am so sorry I haven't been updating, it's been months. I know. But with ending my undergrad and finding a job and being a newlywed (okay, it's been a year since the wedding), it's been tough. I have read every review and I see every favorite and alert so thank you all times a million! You guys rock. I have the next chapter mostly finished, but it's not quite finished. The story is almost over and I promise there will be some sexy times before the end : ) I've been waiting for it too. I'm sorry I've kept you waiting but thank you so much for sticking by my story! I've already got an idea for a new one but I didn't want to post anything until I was done with this one.

Love you guys!

-Em 3


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